Thoughts to ponder all relating to personality types/profiles: 1) In estate situations, there will be folks who want to tie things up, get their money and get on with the rest of their organized schedule-centric life. My baby sister just wanted to get it done and get on with her life. As a result, my other sister and I agreed to sell the home place, the farm equipment as well as the tree farm even though we knew the tree farm would be worth more within ten years because of its proximity to Raleigh. We chose family unity over logic.2) Likewise, the folks that can't make a decision (like me) are naturally pre-disposed to optimizing things. Just as the schedule nuts want to wrap up the estate taxes, sell the property and get on with life, the foot-draggers are trying to make a decision and just keep seeing more and more stuff to consider in making their decision. What gets these folks in single file and moving towards getting lunch is setting a "drop-dead" firm time date for wrapping up matters. 3) You need to first know what YOU want and then figuratively put yourself into the shoes of each person to see what they want. 4) Listen, Listen, LISTEN!! Try to reduce the amount of talking you do. It is not about you. It is about them. Start off the listening process by saying something like: "I am prepared to discuss settling this property ownership situation, but would like to hear your thoughts on the issue". Then be quiet and write down everything they say. After they had stated their initial thoughts, repeat the thoughts back to them and ask them if you got it right. In nearly every case, they will further flesh out their initial thoughts and will also give you additional thoughts/ considerations/issues to consider. Their thoughts are especially important to you because they are giving you their reasons for what they want to do. In sales, we say they are giving us everything we need to know for satisfying their needs and for closing the deal. By using this "following (listening) and reflecting (responding) process, you give everyone the best possible shot at putting together a mutally beneficial arrangement. I've used this method many times to sell lots of equipment and to not waste my (or my customer's) time. Lawyers are necessary, but even F. Lee Bailey cannot do what a good Socratic listening/ responding session can do for six cousins. You will likely find that your cousins have all sorts of crosses they are bearing ranging from hating to see Grandad's farm changed to having a spouse that's driving them nuts for money to remodel a kitchen. Who knows?! You willl never know until you let them speak while you listen. Last point, ALWAYS WRITE DOWN what they say!!! It shows you care a great deal about their thoughts, concerns and emotions. Secondly, it gives you an accurate means to reflect back their comments which leads to yet more information coming back to you. Be friendly and non-judgemental. If there is a deal to be made, you have established the best possible environment for getting everyone on the same page. Good Luck Bill
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