When to step in

The sad part to this is that when she was 87 she was driving to meet some widow friends to go out to lunch with. They all thought she was a great driver, but then none of them had cars. On the way tto pick them up she failed to stop at a intersection and collided with another car. Luckily the boy driving the other car was not hurt but she was killed in the accident. You cannot believe how hard it is to have to go to the hospital to identify a relative's body.

For your father's sake as well as others you have to do something even though it may be unpleasant. I have kicked myself for over 15 yrs because I didn't stand up and do something.

My Dad was always a good and careful driver. He used to say, "John, when you see that I shouldn't be driving anymore, just tell me. I won't like it, but if you tell me to quit, I will." Like some others mentioned, he was always willing to let someone younger do the driving. As an ex-driver education teacher, I took the responsibility of usually telling him to drive when we went somewhere together, just so I could observe. His eyesight was good, his reflexes were decent for someone in his late 80s, and he was careful. I didn't see any thing wrong with his driving WHEN I WAS WITH HIM. However, a couple of good friends mentioned to me that they were becoming a little concerned about his driving from things they had seen.

Things can change in a hurry when you're that age. In July of 2001 when he was nearly 89, he drove to town for some shopping, then stopped by the cemetery to visit Mother's grave. It was their wedding anniversary. Two miles after leaving the cemetery, and probably very distracted, he pulled out onto the state highway in front of another car. Both cars were totalled, the other driver was banged up some, and all Dad had was a scratch on his elbow. I'll never know if that accident happened because he was beginning a rapid decline, or if it caused a decline in his emotional and physical health. I went with him to buy another car, but he never drove it much. Six weeks later he was in a nursing home, and by mid-December, he was gone.

I have wondered if there was something I had missed when riding with him, but I'm inclined to think that like any of us could have been, he was not paying full attention to his driving when he had the wreck.

You mentioned he'd had some "mis-haps" so far. If they can be attributed to failing eyesight, reflexes, or judgement, then I'd say it's time to tell him to quit, or at the least limit his driving. Are other people telling you that he's having trouble? Would you let your children ride with him? Can you ride with him and relax?

A person's car is often more than just transportation to them. If you take it away, you'll hurt his feelings. If you wait too long, he'll hurt himself, or someone else. Better to stop him a month too soon than a day too late.