OT Need some suggestions........

My family is scattered around the country and world. Parents are in Ohio, and it's not affordable for us to take-off and drive there. In short, we're spending Christmas here.

My wife Karen lost her Dad to cancer this past July and her Mom to cancer about 6 years ago.

This is a sort of bittersweet Christmas (mostly for her...) for us, because this will be her first Christmas without "Grandpa" coming over, and the excitement of going to his house on Christmas eve to be with him and the rest of her family here.

She has her "moments" these past two weeks where she is sad and not looking forward to Christmas w/o her Dad. So,

I am wondering what I can do to make a day somewhat cheery and do, or go somewhere, or do some thing for her and my 4 year old to take the sting off the memories of past Christmas days and the reality that her Dad is no longer going to be here on holidays...or Grandpa is not coming over.

What do you'all do, or suggest I can do here in northern New Hampshire for my family?

I know it's an odd question, but I am trying to think how I can add some cheer, and begin to make this holiday a tradition for us, and for our 4 year old Hunter without Grandpa now. 9N'er

So last year things just weren't right. I did one thing with my daughter that made Xmas just really special. We notice some small children who are not exposed to elderly people sometimes get scared in the presense of a senior citizen, and I don't want that, but there aren't many old folks in our life with our grandmother gone.

I decided it will be a new tradition in our family. I took my daughter to a local nursing home, and with my guitar accompaniment, we sang Xmas carols to the old folks. She was really shy at first, but just the presense of her cute self made the old folks smile, and some of them even sang. After awhile she was happy, the old folks were happy, and me.....well....I knew my grandma would be proud.

So this year my wife called the nursing home, and we are taking home made cookies (yes check with dieticians first) and we are all going over this saturday for a visit.

I guess the reason I relayed this to you, is that the main thing is if you don't give yourself an oppurtunity to sit and think, the sting will be less. And maybe you will find something to substitute your loss.

Take Care and Happy Holidays
Steve

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear.
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away. We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones. You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Can you forward me a copy of the poem?

Thanks,

Charles

And Merry Christmas

My wife lost her dad and grandmother this year and this will help make the holidays and the days ahead a little brighter for everyone.

Hope you and yours have a happy safe holiday,

Charles

Just my 2 cents too - Jack

I think your intentions are good to try to cheer up your wife. However, there might be a downside. If she does manage to forget about her loss, and have a good time, when she remembers it again, the change in emotion will be like a big roller coaster amplifying the depression and anguish she is experiencing. Also, you might become frustrated if she does not manage to forget about her loss, and that wouldn't leave you in a good place to deal with holiday stress.

Take it easy and spend some time with your wife. Make sure she gets a chance to talk about what she is feeling.

Grieving is important. I have friends who are married and after many attempts to get have a baby, they finally were expecting. Unfortunatly, while in the delivery room, the baby died. Several counsellors advised them on how to deal with what had happened. One of the strangest pieces of advice was for them to continue preparations on the baby's room, and to not lock away all the baby shower gifts. The thinking is that you don't want to deny that the baby existed by locking away all the items which point to a baby being in the family.

Much in the same way, forgetting about her father at Christmas may lock away some very good memories.

I hope I helped a little. God Bless.