Will Rogers

1. "Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in."

2. "If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there."

3. "If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around."

4. "After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut."

5. "Never kick a cow chip on a hot day."

6. "There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works."

7. "If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging."

8. "Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco."

9. "It doesn't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep."

10. "The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket."

11. "Don't squat with your spurs on."

12. "Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."

13. "Never miss a good chance to shut up."

14. "Always drink upstream from the herd."

15. "When you're throwing' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else."

16. "There are three kinds of men: (this is a favorite!) 1. The ones that learn by reading. 2. The few who learn by observation. 3. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

17. "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

REMEMBER --For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 6 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.