Inheritance issues,,

If our aging parents want the kids to have an inheritance its EITHER purchase Long Term Care Insurance, but if not, bill collectors, doctors, hospitals, medicare etc. etc. may get all their assetts UNLESS they do some planning like 5 years BEFORE they require nursing home care, such as disposing of their assetts by giving them to the kids or use a NON REVOCABLE TRUST and other things such as Deed the home to the kids but reserve a Life Estate etc. I advise aging clients ITS BEST NOT TO OWN ANYTHING WHEN THEY GET OLD..... .....That coupled with a good Will and Durable Power of Attorney plus Appointment of a Health Care Representative (Health care Power of Attorney), Joint Survivorship Accounts etc. EXECUTED WHILE THE PARENT IS STILL MENTALLY COMPETENT can save a ton of time and expense and hard feelings later. Sure, its business for us lawyers, buttttt tttt its wayyyyy less expensive to do a few things while the parent is competent versus afterwards when doctors and medical experts n courts n lawyers etc etc are required to do a full blown and often contested Guardianship.

As far as Wills and wanting the kids to share equal or dis inheriting a child they dont like, seems the child who vists the most is the one the aging parent remembers and prefers and its best to have them execute wills longgggg g before mental competency can ever be questioned.

Nuff said, yall take care and be good to your kids, they're the ones who choose your nursing home lol

John T Retired Electrical Engineer n Country Lawyer in Indiana

After my Dad died 14 years ago, my oldest sister began trying to run my Mom's life. She talked Mom into putting her in total charge of her estate (and thought she should be PAID for helping to care for Mom). My sister cancelled the long term care policy I had set up for my Mom and did a bunch of other questionable things that seemed to be only to favor her and not in Mom's best interest. So we talked to Mom's lawyer and with Mom's approval had the will changed so any major decisions concerning Mom or her estate have to be approved by at least 2 of my siblings. My sister of course got mad that she lost total control, but it was worth it. I really think she would have put Mom in a nursing home.

Maybe someday Mom will need to go to a nursing home, but not yet, and not in the forseeable future. We got her a new long term care policy, but instead of it costing about $3000/year, the new one cost over $5000/year, with somewhat lower benefits. But with Mom's income and the LTC policy, if she does need to be in a nursing home, it should be doable. I just could not convince my sister that the insurance was a good deal...

Mom has a fair amount of money, and has been "gifting" $10K per year to her 4 surviving children. Hopefully when she passes, there will not be much left, but whatever there is will be equally divided--I will see to that.

Helping my Mom is some work, but I am glad to be able to do it. I keep accurate records that are in Mom's apartment and urge my siblings to check the records any time they want to--they are accurate, to the penny! And I would never consider accepting anything in payment for helping Mom. I OWE HER more than I could ever repay for all the times she has helped and cared for me. I love my Mom and want the best for her.

It sounds like you are a pretty SMART country lawyer who thinks similarly to what I do. Good luck!

My aunt died and left some money to my dad who died 2 months before her so it was to be divided up between 7 of us kids. Well the cousin who was doing the dividing dug up an old divorce paper from the 30's that said that Dad did not claim to be the father of two of my sisters. Long story but they got nothing and I got $5000 big deal. What was funny was that all my two sisters had to do was take their birth certificates to the court and they would have got their meager share. That $5000 was the only thing that I ever got from my father as he didn't even know that I existed since mother and dad were divorced before I was born. Some people wonder why I never wanted to go see him but you don't have feelings for someone that you have never met or heard from in 50 years. Its awful when parents die and leave everything in a mess for the kids to sort out. My wife is 82 and she is mad at both kids so she doesn't want them to get anything an so far with the farm I'm worth about 3/4 of million that's not chicken feed to a couple of kids. Walt

If she passed with no will, the estate passes to her heirs, and if there were 2 kids and no spouse, sounds like half to each daughter PERIOD

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John T

It may be that your wife's siblings feel that her sister is entitled to the entire estate because she did something extraordinary. For example, if she gave up several years of her life to take care of her parents, then it's only fair that she should get some compensation. (This happened in my family, and it caused a lot of bitterness on the part of a family member who did nothing, but expected an equal share of the estate.)

Even if there is a will, the law still takes precedence over the will. For example, joint tenancy takes precedence over a will; a husband can't will his share of property in which his wife is a joint tenant. (My wife's father "willed" his house to his son. This created some hard feelings, given that the son was not legally entitled to the house, since his mother was still alive and had no intentions of giving the house to him.)

My suggestion is that you and your wife first try to put yourselves in the position of her sister and other siblings and see if you can agree with their point of view. If you can't see it their way, and there is significant property involved, then you should retain a lawyer. If it's a small estate, then I would just write it off; life is too short to waste it on fights with your own family.

No, I'm not a lawyer, although I probably watched too many Perry Mason reruns growing up. Like you, I was educated as a double-E but moved on to other things.

I have had some exposure to estate law through the deaths of my father and father-in-law. My father died intestate, while my FIL had both a will and trust. I'll argue with anyone who says you're necessarily better off with a will and a trust; from what I've seen it has a lot more to do with how the heirs choose to behave than what's written down on paper.