As an aid for Tractor/Machinery operation the following Licensing Criteria will be required of any person or persons: having any knowledge of,being in the area of,thinking about buying ,buying,or actually operating a piece of engine operated machinery or equipment. After 15 years of study,and with an annual budget of $23,000,000,000, careful review by the NTSB,OSHA,FBI,CIA,NSA,NAACP,Homeland Security,PETA,EPA,the Rainbow Coalition,and the Rev.Al Sharpton, the following licensing criteria will be implemented. class 1: persons with vast schooling,(a PHD in Tractor or Machinery preferred)a minimum of 60 years experience and not over the age of 61 when said license is issued. At the advise of our legal dept(see Lawyers below) said license expires on recipients 62nd birthday with no exceptions, but is eligible for the I REMEMBER WHEN notation on said license which entitles bearer to be within the 3' proximity limit for engine driven machinery.People in this class would be lifelong farmers,ranchers and equipment operators who are "grandfathered" in under page 9736,subsection 7,paragraph 321b titled "oldtimers" class 2:This license entitles bearer inside the 3' proximity limit,the actual use and operation of engine driven machinery as long as said license holder is supervised by a class 1 license holder or a PHD in T&M(see above)must have 20 years experience (4 years college prefered,can be waived with a permission slip from parents)Can operate lawn tractors not over 18hp,chainsaws,small atv's and golf carts only on sat. afternoons. class3: This license entitles the bearer up to but not including the 3' proximity limit. This allows license holder the ability to negotiate for,bid and buy said machinery but not operate until the criteria for a class 2 license are met.Also requires signed permission slip from spouse. Persons in this category would be suburbanites,farmette owners,horse owners,and disbarred lawyers,which are allowed the use of gas or electric powered weedeaters,hedge trimmers,and motorized lawn mowers not to exceed 20" in width and 3 hp. class 4: This license entitles bearer the ability to attend tractor shows,farm machinery shows,auctions,and a twice a year visit to a real farm, and to contemplate the possible future purchase of a piece of engine driven machinery.Bearers of the class 4 license must also respect the 20' proximity limit or said license will be revoked. Picture taking,strictly for reference purposes is encouraged as this will apply 20 credits required for completion of a class 2 or 3 license. Bearers of a class 4 license may also use a non engine powered push mower,snow shovels,and electric(not over 4") trimmer and manual golf carts.Typical license holders would be engineers,mid and upper level management,federal,state,and municiple employees,and doctors. class 5:Bearers of this license may drive past an equipment dealership,rental establishment,home improvement warehouse, or auction and look as they pass,possibly commenting to their spouse or kids about the colors, or styling of the machinery,all the while maintaining the 100' proximity limit.Typical holders of this license are urban,condominium dwellers,which are restricted to calling the management company when the walk needs shoveled. class 6: Bearers of this licenses are not allowed to come within 500' of any piece of machinery either powered or not and when in public must wear their license attached to their forehead to give fair warning to holders of higher class licenses that they are a clear and present danger to anyone or anything they come in contact with.Typical bearers of this license are politicians.(fine line between class 6&7) class 7: Bearers of this license are not allowed to come within 1000' of any person,machine,office,home, or establishment and must also obey the 200 mile proximity limit to Washington,DC. Typical holders of this license are lawyers.
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