Cold Snowy Days - Part 1

There used to be this letter that circulated about a retired Border Patrolman who moved up north to Maine (everybody in the southwest loves the trees and snow up north and all the northerners love the warm, sunny weather down south). Anyway, he was one of the guys raised in the southwest with visions of grandeur about the geen, snowy-Christmas northern states. I can't find the letter, but I'll do my best to duplicate it....

November 3rd - First heavy snow. It's so beautiful and peaceful here! Martha and I are snuggled up by the fire, cozy and warm, looking out the window. You guys have got to come up for a visit!

November 27th - Our third snow and the smell of turkey is in the house! I went out and shoveled snow from the driveway this morning... what a great workout! That stuff's heavy you know!

December 16th - still have a little snow left over from last month, and the weatherman is predicting a white Christmas! God it's cold - but we just love it! And when it snows here - it SNOWS! The snowplow came by today. Took me an hour of shoveling to clear the driveway after he passed by.

December 25th - Christmas Day - and yes! It's snowing! Martha's a little concerned about all this snow and cold weather, but we still have 5 cords of firewood stacked and covered. I don;t get outside much (cause it's so doggone cold out) but it sure is a nice change from that hot, burning sun we suffered down south!

January 1 - Well, happy new year. Truck wouldn;t start this morning. So we'll probably have to put off shopping for another week. Damn snowplow piled up so much snow the weight of it broke my mailbox pole right in two. Guess I'll have to build one out of bricks and mortar this spring - if it ever arrives. We haven't had much snow lately, but we've still got snow on the ground leftover from November and December!

January 8 - Truck still won;t start. I tried walking down to the store. Slipped on the ice and nearly broke my hip. Snowplow came by at what seemed like 50 miles an hour and almost buried me in snow. I'm gonna find out who that son of a *&$(@# is one of these days. Weatherman says more snow this weekend.

January 23 - Got the truck started. It died at the end of the block. My hands are still so cold it hurts to type. Martha's complaining all the time about the cold weather and being couped up in the house. The power was off for about 6 hours last night. God it's cold here!!!!

February 5 - Bought a new truck. Skidded on some ice after leaving the dealer and wrecked into a pole. Not even an hour old and there's 4 $%&^ing hundred dollars worth of damage to it! Lots of sun today. So $%&^ing what? Wind is blowing 20 miles per stinking hour! I think I got frostbite on my middle finger from flipping off all these idiot drivers who were honking at me. Stupid northern @&&holes!!!! Couldn;t they see I just wrecked a brand new truck??!!! Cops gave me a ticket. Jerks. Some silly stupid accent they got too.

February 19 - Shoveled the driveway twice this morning. I was feeling pretty good so I got up early to do it. It was nice and clean until that $#*#* sick f-ing snowplow driver came by and covered it back up!! Went down to the hunting store.

March 11 - More f-ing snow!!!!! !! The cat's gone. Haven't seen him in two weeks. I got my tongue stuck to the barrel of that new rifle I bought. I was sittin on the porch, on friggin ice, waiting for that son-of a b snow plow driver. He never did show!. Every ###damn living breathing thing us here is frozen solid!!

If I had to do it over again, I probably wouldn't have posted it. My apologies to all.