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What would you guys do in this situation?

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KURT (mi)

05-09-2004 03:50:57

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I have started to landscape my house. And of course one of my neighbors has given me opinions on what I should do. Well... My neighbor who has spent over $10,000 on his landscaping and plans on doing even more (must be nice to have money) wants me to do one thing which is too get a dozer and regrade all around the house including ripping up about 15 landscape timbers that I have put down, by the way he doesnt like timbers because they rot..according to him. Sure they will rot in 10-15 years but so what they arent going to be holding up anything. My neighbor is trying to be helpful, in fact he has called one of his buddys to bring a dozer over and do the regrading for me and I also have to buy about 100yds of fill to bring the grade up. (this will cost about $2,500). He also says I should plant grass, put in sprinklers and make it real nice, I just want it to look rustic and decent I dont care about picture perfect here and I am not going to spend $5000 on sod, sprinklers and bushs and boulders. What would you guys do in this situation. Keep in mind that my house is in the middle of the woods on 2.5 acres and I dont have an open field for grass.

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26Red

05-10-2004 08:07:28

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I'm in the same boat as you- new house, new landscaping. My neighbors are going all out spend 5k or more... hell, I just have enough money to put the sod down and do some edging.. point is, do what you can afford, and improve upon it later- $2500 to grade and fill doesn't sound like a deal to me...

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KURT (mi)

05-10-2004 08:15:34

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Re: Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to 26Red, 05-10-2004 08:07:28

Yep $5K is a lot of dough for landscaping, I might have about $3k when everything is cleaned up, graded and some mulch put down, my other neighbor advised me that I should put in asphalt (my drive is 850+ feet) because he is going to do it his drive is 350 feet. I said rather plainly, "why would you want to blacktop your driveway, first the cost, $4k and the township will up your taxes because of the improvement". It must be nice to have a lot of money and spend it on the driveway to drive on. I am in the 401K at work and I like the fact that I am investing in my retirement and not P******* it away on needless home improvement projects.

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Dave 2N

05-10-2004 07:13:03

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I live in the country; my wife and I built our own house and barn in 1973. We own 45 acres and built in the middle of a hayfield next to the woods. We love the setting or we wouldn't be there.
Over the years, we have managed to turn the field surrounding the house into a nice, two acre lawn. We have dandelions, violets, etc., all the "country greenery" you'll find in any area like ours and we keep it mowed and we like it.

About 20 years ago, a neighbor bought a lot across the road. He moved out in the country from one of the "posh" bedroom communities where he had a "golf course-type" lawn. He is trying to have the same thing out here in the country but only with limited success. He brings in bags and bags of this and that from the nurseries and tries to get rid of all plants native to hayfields in the country. He constantly is telling me what I should do for my lawn, my driveway, and even told me today that he is tired of looking at the piles of dirt around the new shop I'm building and hopes that I get it graded pretty soon. Normally, I just smile and listen to him but when he advised me to get the grading done right away, I finally told him to hire someone with a bulldozer and get them over to my place and have them start grading. All of this at his expense of course. And then I told him that I agreed with him about the dandelions; that maybe he should come over and start digging them out of my two acre yard. And better yet, go to the nursery and get a truck load of "Weed and Feed" and "Weed Away" and put it on my lawn. (again--at his expense). And finally, I told him that if none of this was to his liking, that maybe should move back to town. I conveyed all of this in a firm but friendly way and he turned around and went home. He didn't speak or wave to me for a couple of weeks but he did wave this AM when he was out getting the newspaper.
Just my experiences....

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Nor. Al

05-10-2004 18:34:04

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Re: Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to Dave 2N, 05-10-2004 07:13:03

2n I applaud you on the way you handled the situation, once people like your neighbor get over their mad spell about you putting them in their place, then from now on they will respect you , and won't try to dominate you . I have always heard that a frank understanding makes for better relations.

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Dave H (MI)

05-09-2004 19:52:03

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

A late addition, I know, and I did not have time to read all the other responses. For what it is worth, I would sell and move away from that guy. Too opinionated.

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KURT (mi) Thanks, guys

05-09-2004 17:17:22

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I will do what you guys are saying, I am going to put in the timbers (since I already bought em) and I still need to bring in dirt and regrade, but screw the putting green grass and the sprinklers. I will tell him that I have a budget to follow for landscaping and that my dad didnt give me cash to build my house, BTW his dad "loaned him" $100,000 and he has to pay it back interest free in 20 years, his dad will croak in the next 20 years. My dad never gave me a #$%*#&# dime, and thats the way I like it. I will also mention that my family is important and that my sons college would be better funded if I didnt spend $10K on looks for the yard.

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dhermesc

05-10-2004 05:47:10

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Re: Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi) Thanks, guys, 05-09-2004 17:17:22

Next time he comes over ask him if he minds if if you encroach on his property by a couple hundred feet because you don't think all the junked cars you bought at a recent auction will fit on you property. On top of that ask if he minds if you "fertilize" his lawn with the waste from the 50 dog kennel you're going to install.

When he leaves you may not see him for a couple weeks which sounds like the best you could hope for in this situation. The phrase "Good fences make good neighbors" really seems to apply here.

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05-09-2004 15:36:22

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

Do what the neighbors says. No matter what the cost. I can tell from your description of him that he knows it all. Just like your parents said when you were little, "Someday you will realize I was right and thank me." :) :) :)

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jim

05-09-2004 12:50:22

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

2.5 acres in the middle of the woods??? Lets be serious for a minute, you live in the woods, so why would he want you to push all the timber in, is that not the reason you live there. Tell your neighbor that all the dozers and such will upset the ecology of your property and you do not to unpset the ecology. No I am not a nature freak, just sound like a good excuse to do it your way without stepping on his nose.

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Nor. Al

05-09-2004 12:12:59

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

If there is a nice way ( probably isn't ) tell him that you will make a gentlemans agreement with him that if he will not dictate how your yard is fixed that you wont tell him how to fix his. It seems to me that he is one who believes that the more the cost the better it is ,which is not necessarily so as some of the Tradespeople will charge you all that they figure you can and will pay. Always get estimates from several . If he gets offended then I would not let it bother me as he has no right to tell you what to do.

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john in la

05-09-2004 10:00:37

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I did not read other post so this may have been said already but..... .

Your whole post says what your neighbor wants but I would say WHAT DO YOU WANT????? ?

Do not worry what the neighbors want or keeping with the Jones'. Do what you feel you want.

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jfky

05-09-2004 13:45:47

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Re: Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to john in la, 05-09-2004 10:00:37

Don't worry about keeping up with the Jones you will meet them on the way back down

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paul

05-09-2004 08:56:19

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I didn't read the rest of the replies....

Me, I tend to get big plans & ideas _for others_ but only after they _ask_ me for my opinion. That's why I'm posting so much around here - but I don't _expect_ anyone to do a thing I say. :) :) :)

I think you need to take charge of your life & set your own plans, not let the neighbor run your life for you.

Sounds harsh, but that's how I feel - and remember, I don't expact anyone to acctually listen to me. :) :)

For now, you need to politely but firmly get yourself out of this situation. That will be difficult, as you already got into it. With that type of personality, you'll get talked right back into something.

Something about a change in your life, you don't have the money you thought you did for this poject, and everything _has_ to be put on hold for this year. You'll just have to do with what you have this year, sorry but thanks for all the help you offered so far.....

Do what _you_ want to do, advice & help is great, but i's your property, do _your_ plan. Learn to keep yourself out of corners. :)

That is what _I_ would do.

--->Paul

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DaveInMI

05-09-2004 07:43:36

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I've had neighbors I got along with and some that I didn't. Getting along is much better. Surely you can find a way of not taking his advice without hurting his feelings.

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Brian in Ohio

05-09-2004 07:36:23

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I concur with the rest of the responses... tell your neighbor to run his own yard, and if he doesn't like the sight of your, he can do three things. 1) Move 2) Build a fence 3) Be prepared to pay for a professional to landscape your yard out of HIS pocket, not yours.

(I did like the Hog pen idea!)

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Mark

05-09-2004 07:28:07

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

walk him over to where the property line is,and ask him not to come across it unless he is invited.Thank him for his concern and let it go at that.It is your home,landscape it in a manner that suits you,you're paying the mortgage. Like was said below,the only reason your landscaping would concern your neighbor is if it created a runoff situation,or didn't meet some drainage,or property use code.Might as well nip it in the bud now,or he will be over giving advise,supervising,and being a royal PITA until one of you moves.

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Jim in N M

05-09-2004 07:21:31

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

Kurt, If it were me I'd stop doing anything,And than just do a little bit at a time ,Than when he comes by just tell him you don;t have a "Ton" of money and have to do it piece meal. And than add."If you need him you'll call him" but of course you won't and he'll get the message.---Jim in N M

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Paul in Mich

05-09-2004 06:59:37

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

Kurt, No doubt but what your neighbor has his best interest more at hand than your best interest or pocketbook. If you live in a dominatly wooded lot, then its going to be hard to grow grass at any price. You may be able to do more with timbers and rocks as landscaping objects and plant some prennial flowers and undercover than try to grow grass where even shade varieties wont grow. Some natural settings are just as nice as traditional grassed lawns in many instances. If your neighbor insists on you having a lawn, then I'd go another step further and ask him if you put it all into expensive grass, then where would he suggest you locate the Hog pen. Naw, maybe you shouldnt do that. If it were mine, I would make it minimum maintainance, unless you love raking, bending over, pulling weeds, hoeing, and otherwise work creating landscaping. Several years ago, I had a neighbor who had all these grandiose ideas to landscape his place. He probably invested upward of $15,000 in top soil, permanent shrubs, fruit trees, flowers, mulch, and anything else i might have left out. Well, the beauty lasted one year, because he bought more work than he could keep up with, and in 3 years the place looked worse than it did before he spent all the money on landscaping. He had thistles and other weeds that took over. Bottom line is, Its your yard, and what fits your situation best is what is best, not what fits your neighbors situation.

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Gary in TX

05-09-2004 06:57:53

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

Kurt,
I agree with what some of the others have said, its your property and no one else has any business of how you landscape it unless you cause a situation where there would be run off on someone else. Its a situation where the guy with the money wants to think he knows it all and wants to run everyone elses life as well. Just tell him in a polite way, its my place and this is what I want to do with it and leave it at that. If he is going to be a good neighbor he will respect your wishes of what you want to do, if not he is a jerk and you don't need to have much to do with him at all.
Just my 2 cents worth.

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MarkB

05-09-2004 06:20:17

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

Tell him "thanks but no thanks". He wants you to do this because he thinks it will increase the value of HIS property at YOUR expense. And he thinks he's going to score points with his buddy, again at your expense. Be polite, because you're going to be living next to this guy for a long time. If you let him get away with hiring his buddy to do your work, you'll have a steady stream of contractors coming down your drive, all saying "Bud says you've got a job for me."

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T_Bone

05-09-2004 06:16:35

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

Hi KURT,

I had a neighbor lady that thought all our houses should be painted tan and have a front porch.

I told her to move into a subdivision in the city where all the houses looked alike. She did the next year....lol

T_Bone

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lamadon

05-09-2004 06:15:17

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

IM with vern, tell him if he wants it done so bad do it hiself, AND MAKE SURE HIS BEER IS "COLD" while you watch him from the porch.

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Vern-MI

05-09-2004 05:28:28

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

I wish I had a neighbor like yours. Tell him to go ahead and have it done but that you are not going to pay a cent for it. Tell him to be careful around the drain field and well head. In the meantime don't get your wienie in a knot over it. See if you can get him to buy the beer as well.

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Les...fortunate

05-09-2004 04:47:34

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

As long as everything functions well and you are happy with it and it's not an eyesore, why do all that? Resale value?
Drainage and runoff problems would be the only reason I would do what he wants. And, who knows, you might create more problems.

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05-09-2004 04:39:54

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

Your property. Do what you wish with it. Get him out of your life, he'll be telling you what to do forever.

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rustyfarmall

05-09-2004 04:36:42

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

It's your house. Do it your way.

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Bill(Wis)

05-09-2004 04:34:36

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Re: What would you guys do in this situation? in reply to KURT (mi), 05-09-2004 03:50:57

KURT: Your neighbor is probably trying to be helpful and at the same time, in his own mind, protect the value of his property by "improving" yours. Busybodies like that are a pain. Trust me, he will be a busybody who will push whenever and wherever he feels it necessary as long as he lives next to you. Does he have a sense of humor? If so, maybe you can kid around with him. If not, who wants to be friends with someone who has no sense of humor?

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