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inherited 3 teenage kids...........

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Rob in Indiana

01-25-2007 08:36:03

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a friend of wife and mine who was married for 18 years was almost beaten to death by her husband. She has spent the past 2 weeks in a hospitable and had surgery yesterday to which she did not survive.

Her husband is being held on several federal charges and Indiana has charges to be filed against him as well. Dont believe he will see the light of day again until he is a old man.

Our friend has no family in this area nor did the husband. She did a living will before her sugery asking us to take the kids..... I just learned of this a few hours ago.

There good kids, a 18yo boy who in a premed student, 15yo boy and a 11yo girl. All are good students with good school grades and their mom raised them well. Wife is 40 and I am 46, she is a nurse and Im self employed. We have no childern but have a big enough home and the income to raise these kids.

Maybe I just in shock right now but has anyone found themselves in this situation?

Thanks..... Rob

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monomechanical

01-25-2007 18:35:50

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I can't say how much I admire your willingness to undertake so profound a labor. If I had a second shot at raising kids I would have more patience, more kindness, more prayer, less criticism. Can't say, though what these kids need. It's difficult to go wrong being kind.

mono

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Rick Kr

01-25-2007 18:32:41

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You and the wife must be well respected by your wifes friend.

As you know you have just assumed a lot of responsibility.

Just raise them the way you know is right and they will respect you and be grateful forever.

BUT TWO THINGS PLEASE...

1. Dont ever talk bad about their father in these kids presence. No matter how bad he is for what he has done, if you bad mouth family, the kids will resent you, even if under their breath.. The younger ones will come to the realization on their own on why he is a bad person.

2. Dont ever try to "replace" their dad. Your name is Rob, your wifes name is ???, or Mr and Mrs. ???? or pick names all five of you are comfortable. Just dont force them to call you mom and dad, the older boy wont anyway because of his age.

You sound very smart so you probably think that what I say is common sense or maybe just babble, but I had to deal with the two topics above raising a nephew and I am still trying to guide him at 26+ years old. It screwed him up bad as a young child.

Your situation makes me well up with a tear, reminding of nephew. I WILL pray that your situation has a good outcome.

Good luck,
Rick

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fixerupper

01-25-2007 18:08:13

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I am typing this with tears in my eyes. You and your wife must be very special people for her to trust you with her children. We took on three of our granddaughters for awhile after our daughter passed away so your situation brings back many difficult memories. You are trying to hold up under the load of your own grief and anger, along with being thrown into a whole new unknown world of responsibilities, and at the same time you have to give strong support to the three young people who no longer have the love and support of their mother. They are probably scared and are waking up from nightmares at night but their mother is not there to hug them. Sometimes we won't allow ourselves to look to god for help because we are disappointed in him for letting this happen even though we have always turned to god for help in the past. It's a very tough situation, there is almost nothing more difficult, and I know you and your wife will be strong and supportive. God bless you. Jim

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kyplowboy

01-25-2007 17:49:55

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You are in my prayers.

I admire you and your wife for taking care of these kids who need some stability in thier lives.

What is going on these days. I do not know where you live in IN, I live just south of Evansville. Seems like you only herd about things like this on other places. Around here there was a boy who shot four people in a corn field and ran off with his girl friend and small child. A social worker was beaten and throat cut, a 80 year old lady stabed by a crank head, a pregnant girl beaten into coma, and this last week a guy shot a guy and ran off with 4 kids and a woman. All this here in the quiet Ohio Vally. Guess ain't no where safe anymore.

Good luck and thank you for being a good enough person to help these kids.

Dave

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jerry smith

01-25-2007 17:46:36

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

i am sorry to hear of this and am sad to say i haven't been in this type of situation. the closest i've ever come to this is when my wife and her 4 children moved in with me. we were not married at the time but now we are and have been for a happy 7 years. most of her children are grown and either started a family or are starting out on their own. now only her daughter is here and she is soon to be in highschool...
all i can say that could possibly help is...god luck and i hope you and your expanding family is happy.

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super99

01-25-2007 17:20:11

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I will add you to my prayer list. You are doing the right thing. I always say, the greatest complement that you can give another person is that I trust them enough to let them raise MY children if something happened to me. May the Lord be with you and your new family. Chris

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two mile

01-25-2007 17:06:26

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You have been given three gifts, each one of them precious. You are honored for receiving them. Value them for the individuals that they are. Pray for and with them. Cry with them. In time you will play and laugh with them. Let them teach you who they are. Learn. Then lead, guide and direct. In the midst of this transition, if you are looking for it, you will experience the peace that passes understanding. Help them to find that peace also. Seek help when needed. Friends, family, pastor, counselor. You are their friend, advisor and advocate. When they need help, you will help them find it. You are their living example of what love looks like. Our prayers are with you and this new family.

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Can't use my name on this

01-25-2007 16:00:48

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You and your wife are to be commended for your taking these kids on. There will be challenges but you will find a way to work through them.
I was on the receiving end of this same issue as a kid at 15 years old after our mother passed. Dad had taken off several years previous leaving me and two sisters behind with mom. In the next few years mom worked her rear off to save money to buy a home and new car and make life as good as she could. We no more than got settled into a new home and community when mom was diagnosed with cancer. It took her in less than a year. Our mom had already taken the time to arrange for our aunt and uncle to take us kids in, in the event she did not recover from cancer. The last time she went into the hospital was the last time we ever got to see her. I knew something was up when getting home from school one day and the entire family was there. That was the day the lord took her home and our life changed forever.
I see you have already gotten in touch with a lawyer, good job, you may need their assistance, I know we did as dad decided to try to come back into our lives at that time and if he could not be a father to us before I knew he could not then either. I was old enough to make my own decisions as to where I was going to live but my sisters were not and the lawyers took care of that problem. How my aunt and uncle did all they did for us kids still has me wondering how they managed to pull it off. Taking on three kids was no small task I am sure. To this day I still consider them my parents and am grateful that we got to grow up in a normal home with a stable family and not as wards of the state or worse. That was 30 years ago now and I still feel very lucky.

Let us know how this goes moving forward.

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Leroy

01-25-2007 15:47:07

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You are in for a tough time but you will make it. The thing I want to comment on is the living will, here in Ohio the living will is only good for to have somebody take control of your health care while they are living, at death it is no longer valid. You have to have a regular will to take care of those other items. You need that atterney (sp) and he will need a lot of help but unless she had a regular will with you named it will me entirely up to the courts to decide who they live with, he could abide with her wishes even if not put in legal form but he could also decide on something completly different than what everyone in the family wants.

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buickanddeere

01-25-2007 14:25:25

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You have to "do the right thing". As previously stated checking out the legal end and seaking out relatives will prevent grey hair and legal bills later.

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Brokenwrench

01-25-2007 14:10:51

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Wow Rob,
I can understand why you`re in shock. She must`ve seen something in you guys that she knew was what these kids need. This one`s gonna take some time for everyone to settle into. I don`t know what advice to offer other than, be extremely patient, and kind. You got a huge load on your shoulders now to prove to these kids how a real man treats his wife and loved ones. Good luck and God bless you for taking this on. Brokenwrench

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Bus Driver

01-25-2007 13:46:34

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Bless you for being willing to keep this family together as much as possible. I hope it proves to be as wonderful as possible under the circumstances.

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Walt Davies

01-25-2007 12:54:48

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

When my Step father died in 1943 we 6 kids drew SS until we were 18 or out of school. I would look into this its a big help in getting the kids the things they need. or put into a good system to pay for college.

I would also check on relatives they should also be informed of the loss and if they would like the children. Kids are much better off with relatives if they know them. My two cousins were raised by my grandparents after their parents split up.

Like they say talk to someone who knows all the facts in what is legal or not.

Walt

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unknown author

01-25-2007 12:49:53

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I am writing this in relative anonymity due to the sensitive nature of such. When I was 10, my parents divorced. My mother and father both remarried when I was 12. I had no real idea of what was going on and less idea of what the future would hold. I said things that were hurtful. I said things that I did not mean. I said things that were misunderstood. My step-monster held and holds every one against me. She continually reminds me of how I acted and what I said. It was 21 years ago. It continues today. My step-father was totally opposite. We grew together, laughed together, worked together, travelled together. He never once degraded me in any way. He sought my help, I sought his. He never once lied to me, or misled me. He had his weaknesses, strengths. I had mine. I have a relationship with him that I have never had with my father. He supported me into the military and later into college.

He made me the father I am today.

Good Luck...

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IRONSALES

01-25-2007 13:05:38

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to unknown author, 01-25-2007 12:49:53

I AGREE WITH YOU TOTALY, MY GRANDPARENTS RAISED ME ALONG WITH MY MOTHER TILL I WAS 7, THEN SHE MEET MY STEPFATHER AND THEY MARRIED, ALONG CAME MY SISTER, I ONCE TOLD MY STEPFATHER THAT HE WASN'T MY DAD, AND HE STILL REMINDS ME OF THAT TO THIS DAY, WE LAUGH IT OFF AND CONTINUE WORKING, I HAVE TRIED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FATHER AND ITS JUST NOT LIKE THE ONE I HAVE WITH MY STEPFATHER, HE AMDE ME THE HONEST AND RELIABLE PERSON THAT I AM AND HE WILL BE A GRANDFATHER TO MY CHILDREN, AS FOR MY FATHER, HE STILL HAS ALOT OF MAKING UP TO DO, HE HURT ME BAD WHEN I WAS 14 AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER IT, MY STEPFATHER IS MY DAD

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cj3b_jeep

01-25-2007 12:30:07

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I feel for those kids. What a terrible thing for them to go through. Although I don't have any kids, my wife and I have a similar agreement with my sister. Here in Ohio, there is also victim's assistance money available to pay for raising and educating the kids, Indiana may have something like that as well.

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chvet73

01-25-2007 11:52:01

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I took two on when I married my wife then we added one more. I haven't ever regretted that decision. Hope you guys can see a way to help them.
Good luck with it.

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ironsales

01-25-2007 11:24:36

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

just got married a few months ago and have a little one that is due in july, and the wife and i have already made plans that if somthing happens to us that our child will be taken care of before anything else, my sister-in-law is only 20 and was fresh out of high school when she had her young-un and the wife and i were taking care of the baby since she was born (we were only dating then)daddy is a drunk/woman beater (did it once and got what he deserved in return), and the baby calls me daddy and her aunt momma, and i have come so attached to her that i think of her as my own,i feel the situatuin that you are in and i hope everything will come around in the end and as for the father they will all be older when he gets out of jail so you won't or shouldn't have any problems with him,

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JDB

01-25-2007 11:13:53

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

The kids should be able to get social security from their mom up till or through college.

Right now, they likely just need you to be there. They need something / someone stable to depend on / cling to. Sometimes, it's not what you say, it's just being there and being available. Be patient and just love them. Sometimes, it might be a tough row to row but it's not about you. Your doing it for them.

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Kestrel in CT

01-25-2007 11:13:51

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

All great advice here but I didn't see anything about the possible impact on your own marriage.

If it were me, I'd take the wife out for a long drive, park somewhere quiet without lawyers, the kids, etc. to distract you and have a good emotion free discussion. Agree in advance that you BOTH want this.

People's priorities and values change over time. Nothing worse than harboring resentment over previously made plans.

Its not like bringing home 3 rusty tractors. They'll do fine if left alone.

Adoption is noble of course...just don't rush in.

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steve from mo - dangit!

01-25-2007 11:05:16

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Good luck. in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

It's going to take a lot of effort, but there is no way you can turn those kids down. I am 58 and wife is 56, and we are named as guardians for our friends' 7 and 6 year olds. I wish them the best of health, since I will be 74 when the little girls graduates from college. I want to see her graduate, but would rather do it as a guest of her folks.

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JoeBob/IN

01-25-2007 10:58:57

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Not that this is real important given the situation but next year you can claim these kids on your taxes in a few different ways to help ease the burden financially.

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Janicholson

01-25-2007 10:45:53

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

My wife and I are in a two way interactive positive arrangement with very close friends (with wills) to assist in either direction with the raising of children in case of catastrophy. The responsibility for new childern (in our case) would not be difficult, just the loving and reasonable thing to do.
Children are :
resilient to change
Brilliant in their own way (watch for it)
Kind under stress
Helpful beyond duty
A challenge to fight with (don't, negotiate)
Marvelous to be around.
No luck needed, they are your lucky day.
JimN

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Janicholson

01-25-2007 10:44:28

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

My wife and I are in a two way interactive positive arrangement with very close friends (with wills) to assist in either direction with the raising of children in case of catastrophy. The responsibility for new childern (in our case would not be difficult, just the loving and reasonable thing to do. Children are :
resilient to change
Brilliant in their own way (watch for it)
Kind under stress
Helpful beyond duty
A challenge to fight with (don't, negotiate)
Marvelous to be around.
No luck needed, they are your lucky day.
JimN

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jeffcat

01-25-2007 10:41:48

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I feel a little strange posting this but I think it is right. I know two wonderful kids that my sister has. Johnny and Elizabeth are both smart and very nice people. They are in their mid twentys now and I do wish that I could have had kids like them. Never got a round to it and where this contry is going I could see it back in the early 70s. That is one of the reasons I didn't. Find any way you can to keep involved with them. NO vidoe games and watch their TV. Computers can be locked or kept in the family room. Keep church in the family and your family in Christ. This is how my sister did it and I would take those two in a heart beat! You will have one long climb ahead but there is going to be a wonderful view ahead! A good lawer can be a HUGE help or a true pain in the buttt. Talk to several and or shop around. You must feel secure with whom you find. Jeffcat

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Bryan In Iowa

01-25-2007 10:36:11

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You bet !!! I am 48 , wife and I have no kids together , I have 22 yr old son . Thought i was done with the "family stuff' . Well wife drags me kicking and screaming into being Foster parents. We had 2 sisters placed with us , 1 and 2 yrs old . Dead beat folks, drugs ,etc . We had them almost a year and they went home. I KNEW they would be back , but still damn tough to see them leave.Dead beat parent meantime pump out two mor e lil girls . Random drug tests failed. We get the two oldest back . They Finally talked of termination of rights after giving them every chance there was . Still couldn't get it together . Well , we decided we didn't want these angels < I say that with gritted teeth at times > ever leaving us again. Had all 4 placed with us and adoptoin was final last april . Four sisters, ages 2,3, 4 and 6 . There are times when i ask myself " Are you nuts ?" But wouldnt have it any other way. Consider your new family a wonderful gift from god . Good luck and Godbless .

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big hunter

01-25-2007 10:10:51

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I'm 50 years old have 5 kids. The only thing I know for sure is that believeing, trusting in Jesus Christ as your personal savior is the only thing that will matter in the long term. What is it to live life, over come adversities, be in the worlds eyes a good citizen/successful and lose your soul to be apart from God for eternity. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God...Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord...Romans 5:8 For God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us...Romans 10:13 For whosoever call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.... Calling upon the name of the Lord means praying to him asking him to forgive you of your sins, asking him to come into your heart and save you, asking him to dwell with you, and give you eternal life with him...I'm not saying nor does the bible say this will cure all the problems we face on earth but at least you will have the peace of eternal life with him in heaven when you die (which we all do sooner or later) I wish you well, I hope things work out for you and the kids.

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davpal

01-25-2007 10:04:07

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

You sound like stable nice people. The kids will come around in time. It will help a lot for them because they already know and trust you. Their mom must have trusted you a lot too if she made that arrangement. I am sure they will have social security to help out on that aspect of things. Not sure on the 18 year old because he is now an adult. Great thing you are contemplating. Good luck, it will probably turn out to be a real blessing someday.

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jubilee johnny

01-25-2007 10:04:05

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

When we chose in our wills who we wanted to take care of our children, we chose the best role models we could think of. It sounds like you fill that role for these kids who in reality have lost both parents. Any tragedy is traumatic to those involved. But, I would guess for most of the kind of people on this forum, it brings out the best rather than the worst in us. Farm people tend to band together to help those in need. If you believe in a higher power then you know there is a bigger picture. God bless you as you change your role, as abrupt as it has been.

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Lou

01-25-2007 09:59:55

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Congradulations on your generosity, helping kids grow is a very rewarding project, good luck.

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John S-B

01-25-2007 09:44:36

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Rob I had a niece for a few weeks, not nearly as bad of a situation as you have. Your wife being a nurse should be able to network and get the kids the counsuling their going to need. Be loving but firm and give them the stability the'll need. This will be a challenge for you all but I don't think there is anything more rewarding. My prayers are with you But I think you will find this to be a blessing and not a burden.

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Jay (ND)

01-25-2007 09:37:07

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

It is very sad to hear about how much pain they have been put through. Given the situation though, I think this is the best thing ever for them, and for you.

It will be a challenge for sure, but they will come into an unabusive and unpretentious home. You in turn have a family. Someone that when you grow old will come and visit. Someone that will bring over their babies when they have them.

I wish you and your family my sincerest wishes for luck and a long and happy relationship.

Jay

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old art

01-25-2007 09:34:01

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

your friend have faith in you. i wish you well and may your days get better.
old art

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Stumpalump

01-25-2007 09:31:29

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

I had a neibor/buddy that had 3 kids. He turned out to be a cheating lying POS.He finally left his wife and kids to run around with crack heads. I ran into his ex at a home owners meeting and ended up marring her. The 16 year old pot head boy stayed with his dad and now we got him to join the Army. The girls 10 and 13 are my best freinds. I think the kids will really apreciate what you do for them since they have seen a crummy difunctional family. I'd take the kids in a heartbeat. I hear over and over from freinds and family what a great dad I am and all ever do is tell the kids exacly the way it is with no sugar coating or BS. If you never ever lie to kids and shoot straight they will follow you guidance and trust you. You have the opertunity to have 3 best freinds come into your life. Go for it and good luck.

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Midwest redneck

01-25-2007 09:22:06

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Wow, that is weird and you should get a lawyer to look at the will just to be sure. Best of luck.

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Turke Bros. Farms

01-25-2007 09:21:22

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Well I cant say its the same or is tragic as your situation. But my brother married a gal that lost her husband in a hunting accident. It screwed up the kids a little in the begining...But I think they have been over it for some time and the end result was two wonderful nieces, their pictures are sitting right now next to the computer. Im a older single person as well, boy what a change....be patient. Think before you speak, living in close quarters with new personalities is a task. If you need help nwe are ALL here! DTURKE

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Badly Bent

01-25-2007 09:14:50

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Condolences on the loss. Although your friend should have talked to you about it, her wishes obviously show that you meant a great deal to her and she trusted you with her most valuable legacy. What an honor! You must be phenomenal people. I"ve never been in that situation, but if I were I would hope to have the strength to see what a blessing it would be. You will have a chance to help three great kids deal with a life-changing event and, I"m sure, be changed yourself in the process. You can do it. And you can help these young people move on after an ordeal that is more difficult than most of us can imagine. Tim

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Blue3992(N Illinois)

01-25-2007 09:04:56

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

Yikes. That's a heck of a situation.

I don't know nothing about nothing, but it definietly sounds like you'll need to talk to a lawyer at some point.

And, I *think* if you end up taking custody of the 11 yr old and the 15 yr old, you get some sort of payments from Social Security to help raise them. Don't quote me on that though.

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Rustyj14

01-25-2007 08:55:09

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

My oh my! You do have a problem, but not an insurmountable one. If you decide to take them in, bset to get a GOOD lawyer, who is well versed in adoptions. Then, talk to the children, and inform them as to how you will expect them to behave. Like i said to our three adopted boys, when they were old enough to understand: "You have received a good, honest, name! Do not disgrace it in any way!" This can be applied in your situation, if you decide to do it! And a good long talk with the children will do wonders for them accepting the job you will undertake! Lots of things to consider! Just do not get into an argument, or say anything detrimental about their father! Even as bad as he is, they might not have any bad feelings about him! By: Rustyj

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NEsota

01-25-2007 08:53:27

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

My condolence to you and your wife on the lose of your friend. Want to say I understand your shock but do not think I really can. They say God does not give us more than we can handle. It sounds like you can and will do it.

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Kent in KC

01-25-2007 08:50:10

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 08:36:03

No, I inherited mine through marriage. But, as they say, the Lord moves in strange ways. You have to believe that all this happened for a reason, tragic though it is. I think it is wonderful that there is someone like you and your wife there to help the kids. One other thought, living will or not, be prepared for some custody hearings. The state will have to be involved.

Good luck to all of you.

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Rob in Indiana

01-25-2007 09:20:24

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Kent in KC, 01-25-2007 08:50:10

I made a app with my attorny before I posted today. We are meeting in the morning.

The kids were in foster care and wife and I had started last week the paper work become their care takers while mother was recovering. We believed them living with us would be best as they know us and would be together, also still be in same school system.

Kids are with us today as we work to make arrangements for their mom. Three heartbroken and scared kids in this house right now and I struggle to find the words to comfort them

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two mile

01-25-2007 15:37:33

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 09:20:24

Words mean little or nothing right now. What you do is everything. Comfort, care and compassion are all actions that demonstrate your newfound commitment. Look for their needs, tend to them. If they need a hug, offer a hug. If they need space, offer space. Be attentive to this. Let them know with a smile or a gentle touch that you are there for them. Words and conversation will come later. They are old enough to express themselves. Start out by just being there for them.

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Wayne in Tx

01-25-2007 10:58:06

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 09:20:24

It is a blessing that you and your wife are there for the kids. Regardless of what happens down the road your being there is a huge improvement over having the children turned over to complete strangers!

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mike a. tenn.

01-25-2007 09:35:26

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Re: inherited 3 teenage kids........... in reply to Rob in Indiana, 01-25-2007 09:20:24

eleven fifteen and eighteen...old enuf to "see" how you care, and feel that caring. no words are neccessary as actions always speak louder. just be close and right there for them...they will feel you. so sorry for your loss and so so sad for those kids.

--mike

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