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Those Old-Timer Sayings

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in-too-deep

10-16-2007 08:13:14

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I think you guys know what I mean. Those sayings to compare something. For example: "Lazier than a toad at noon" or "Slower than molasses in January" or "Duller than a date with your own sister" "Bled like a stuck pig" "Dumber than a bag of hammers" I know there's tons of em out there, and I find them very amusing. Have at it. (oh, and no offense meant by the term "old-timer")

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Mr. Bob

10-20-2007 13:06:40

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

I could get lost in a telephone booth.

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Jeff C

10-20-2007 12:45:35

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Busier than a one armed fiddler with the crabs...

Stunned as me arse...

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IA Roy

10-17-2007 19:41:24

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Empty what is full!
Fill what is empty!
If it doesn�t move and should, use WD40!
If it does move and it shouldn�t use Duct Tape!
Duct tape is temporary unless it works!

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havvey

10-17-2007 18:12:51

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

A fat person: If you was told to haul as* you would have to make two trips. Its a cinch. Like taking candy from a baby. When it rains it pours. Started at the bottom and went down hill. So low you have to look up to see bottom.

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Pappy

10-17-2007 17:34:55

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

My Grandpappy: "If you ain't making no mistakes, you ain't doin' nothing."

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Jim B. OH

10-17-2007 17:11:54

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

-His elevator goes to the top.....he just choose to take the stairs. -Blind in one eye, blond in the other.

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Mr. Bob

10-17-2007 15:39:32

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Worthless as titz on a boar hog.

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Jim in N M

10-17-2007 15:21:05

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

If BS was Music he'd be a whole brass marching band.

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Jim in N M

10-17-2007 15:22:49

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to Jim in N M, 10-17-2007 15:21:05

It stinks worse than a foot up a bulls a$$

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10-17-2007 13:06:33

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Three of my favorites: 'If Bulls**t was brass he'd have his own band', 'Goin' downhill faster than a fat man on roller-skates' and 'He's so tight (cheap) he squeaks when he walks'.

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BIG RED 1

10-17-2007 12:18:49

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

From "Green Acres"
As pretty as a little red wagon going up a steep hill.

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IA Roy

10-17-2007 10:21:56

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Smells worse than an outhouse on a Tuna Schooner!

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10-17-2007 09:49:10

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

About someone who can't be reasoned with....
You can't talk horse sense to a jack a$$.

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robert wood

10-17-2007 09:15:51

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Here"s one for the clumsy out there: "Couldn"t hit sand if he fell off a camel."

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Jim in N M

10-17-2007 15:28:03

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to robert wood, 10-17-2007 09:15:51

If his mouth is movin,he'e lie'en..... ..Or To tighten something, Bring'er down tight and giver three full turns..... .Jim in N M

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Mike (WA)

10-17-2007 08:37:06

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Hotter'n Dutch love at hayin' time.
Hotter'n a depot stove.
Slower'n a fat boy on a bicycle.
Clumsier'n a pig on ice.
Timid as a cow at a new gate.
Dad to me, as I was being much to particular in placing shingles on the barn: "Step it up, son, you ain't buildin' a piano".
About a slow worker: He started slow, then tapered off. Universal name for a small mechanical part or connector that you don't know the real name of: "Hand me that little doovissary right there".

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mechanical mike

10-17-2007 08:32:52

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

That dogs so ugly you should shave it's a$$ and teach it to walk backwards
Cant see the forest thru the trees

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Gregor

10-17-2007 07:41:33

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

My Dad would tell me:
You're as handy as a screen door on a submarine.

You're as handy as a castor on a crutch.

Gosh I miss him.

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Ford 312

10-17-2007 07:28:43

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

He would lie when the truth would fit better.
Hard work never hurt him, because he never done any.
He isn't afraid of hard work - he can lie down beside it and go to sleep.
Easy as falling off a log and not half as dangerous.

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mark d brown

10-17-2007 06:34:53

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

flat out like a lizard drinking
dryer than a nuns c##t
as hard as the hobbs of hell
sh/t through the eye of a needle at 40 paces
cunning as a sh/thouse rat
common as a two bit wh*re
up and down like a wh*res drawers
as dumb as dog sh/t

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comfortking

10-17-2007 05:08:03

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

From Gunsmoke pretty girl "Handsome looking she male"
Use your head for something other than to hold your ears apart
Us your head for something besides a hat rack If you magnified your brain 8000 times and put it on the edge of a razor blade it would look like a bebee rolling down an 8 lane highway.
To a big person "You are so big if you jumped up in the sky you would get stuck"
Heard a boy tell a girl she had kind hair, thinking this was a compliment she said thank you and then asked him what it was to mean and he replyed " The kind that grows on a goats butt.

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Bob Thomas

10-17-2007 04:56:56

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Had a friend who quit a job with a tractor company---- "Before I would work there again I would build a wooden beak and peck S*** with the chickens".

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MoMike

10-17-2007 04:43:50

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

A former co-worker used "Thats her the Dutchman said when he found his bull". Used when things finally worked.

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Harold Hubbard

10-17-2007 04:25:52

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

One that I have used on occasion, "Were you born stupid, or did you have to take a course??"

One that my Dad often used, "If the dog hadn't stopped to cr@p, he would have caught the fox."

One I heard a lot when we were picking rocks, "A Chinaman has hold of the other end of that one." Said of a really big boulder or solid ledge.

"I don't want to mow that field, there are too many wild grindstones in it."

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4010guy

10-17-2007 02:52:49

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Here's a couple more i use from time to time that i havent seen yet.
1 About as bright as a 5 watt light bulb.
2 about as bright as a bus load of county agents.
3 ain't got enough brains to come in out of the rain.

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chuck craig

10-17-2007 00:59:49

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE HAD BEEN RODE HARD AND PUT AWAY WET.

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jpl

10-16-2007 23:10:33

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

heard this one in the 40's. ( he sounds like a man with a rubber arse hole)

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caleb

10-16-2007 22:36:55

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

For someone that can hear well:
He can hear a nat pee on cotton.

Someone that you didnt want to answer:
I was talking to the other end of the horse.

For the "extended truth teller":
Youre talking out your a** because your mouth knows better.

One that I dont think I saw on here yet but I got frequently when I was younger:
If you dont knock it off Im gonna take you behind the woodshed.

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37 chief

10-16-2007 22:10:32

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

This is my own: As nervous as my wife in a room full of mouse traps. She can't stand to be around them, and forget about her setting one. Stan

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NC Wayne

10-16-2007 22:05:34

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

--Handier than hip pockets on a kangaroo --Colder than Willy the well diggers butt --His elevator don"t go all the way to the top floor --Busy as a one armed paper hanger --If a frog had wings he wouldn"t bump his a$$ every time he jumped --Are you a smart feller or a fart smeller? --He"s smart as a rock --An update of an old one for people nowdays that are just so blame stupid..... You can lead the horse to water but you can"t keep him from drowning

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Sid

10-16-2007 21:44:48

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Don't put off til tomorrow what you can do today, or you'll have to use ExLax.

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10-16-2007 21:32:03

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Thought of another one....

That stuff will make you $hit through a screen door without touching a wire!

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10-16-2007 21:29:41

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Ha ha.

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rodgernbama

10-16-2007 21:12:50

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs
blacker than midnight under a skillet

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KEB

10-16-2007 20:41:44

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

I"ll add a couple more here...I can think of several more I probably shouldn"t post in this forum:

Smaller than a teeny weeny fly"s teeny weeny

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

Has the intellect of a door knob

That dog don"t hunt (meaning a plan won"t work)

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suptscottyb

10-16-2007 22:06:24

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to KEB, 10-16-2007 20:41:44

About dumb or untrained dogs:
He "don't know come here from sic um!" or
He don't have the brains God gave a rock.

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One More Again

10-16-2007 20:36:06

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Someone who can't make a decision....
Either $h!t or get off the pot!

Someone who moves too slow....
Don't care if you lead or follow, just get the he// out of the way....

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One More

10-16-2007 20:25:51

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Old timer saying about a sickly old timer...
He's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

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Jared in wi

10-16-2007 20:07:35

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

All a steer can do is try.

It is better to be p_ssed off than to be p_ssed on.

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davejoe

10-16-2007 20:03:20

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

lit up like a Polish church on Christmas eve

full of sh#t like a Christmas goose Dave

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Armand Tatro

10-16-2007 19:50:33

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

"You are never learn any younger!" Armand

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Dan-IA

10-16-2007 19:09:05

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

My brother and I were working on a snowmobile, I was little, it was dark and cold, I was holding the flashlight. I was shivering and shaking bad.

"Geez boy! You shake like a dog sh*ttin' razorblades!"

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Dan-IA

10-16-2007 19:06:46

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

My dad taught me about the birds n the bees.

"How you got here? A bird sh*t you out on a fencepost and the sun hatched ya, we just brought ya in before the rains came!"

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Chuck (CA)

10-16-2007 19:04:34

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

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NC Wayne

10-16-2007 19:06:38

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to Chuck (CA), 10-16-2007 19:04:34

The Naval version of this is "Don"t sweat the petty things, pet the swetty things." Us sailors had our priorities...

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Towman

10-16-2007 19:01:12

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

So Skinny - Had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Not mechanically inclined - Give him a crowbar at 9.00 am, and he'll have it bent by 9.15

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Ryan - WI

10-16-2007 18:59:14

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest.

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glr62

10-16-2007 18:57:28

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

always rains after a long dry spell

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Blue3992 (N Illinois)

10-16-2007 18:55:01

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

One that kinda describes myself sometimes:

"Old enough to know better, still too young to care."

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barnrat

10-16-2007 17:47:40

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

I say this one about my father in law- He's so miserable if you handed him a gold brick he'd complain it's too heavy And he's so selfish he wouldn't light your pipe if your house was on fire.

And my personal favorite- Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.

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bradk

10-16-2007 18:17:46

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to barnrat, 10-16-2007 17:47:40

That engine shakes like a whor* in church.

Looks like she got farted through a keg of nails.

Tighter that a nun's cun*

Drunker than a shepherd on payday

She has legs all the way to the lunch-box.

I wouldn't pis$ on him if he were on fire.

Looks like her face caught fire and got beat out with a rake.

The guy is so cheap he jacks off the dog to feed the cat.

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Mike Boy

10-16-2007 18:27:07

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to bradk, 10-16-2007 18:17:46

Hmmm, a bit off color for this forum I'd say. I think you missed the spirit of the post.

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Donnie Baker

10-16-2007 17:37:12

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch

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Harold Hubbard

10-16-2007 17:23:58

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Heavier than a dead minister.

Leaning toward Sawyers.

Drunker than a boiled owl.

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super99

10-16-2007 17:15:07

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

1 Even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while.
2 When my ship comes in, I'll be waiting at the bus station.
3 She is a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. 4 I'll beat you like a redheaded step-child.
5 That tractor won't pull the hat off of your head.
6 If his brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose.
7 That truck is so worthless, if you peed in front of the tire, it would be stuck.
8 I've seen rocks smarter than he is.
9 Steady by jerks like a frog swims.
10 I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
11 If I won a million dollars, I'd just keep on farming till it was gone.

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Randy S

10-16-2007 17:11:37

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Dumb... He must have fallen off the turnip truck last night.

In defense of being thought dumb... I might have driven the turnip truck in last night but i didnt fall off of it.

Diarreah *sp... Hes got the green apple splatters Could shut thru a screen door and not leave a stain.

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msb

10-16-2007 17:09:34

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

You rode the short bus didn't ya.

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TractormanNC

10-16-2007 16:56:56

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

She's so skinny if she would turn sideways and stick out her tongue, she would look like a zipper.

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doug in illinois

10-16-2007 16:55:50

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Regarding tools, That knife is so dull it couldn't cut hot butter.

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j105

10-16-2007 16:37:30

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

some i've heard

he's windy as a sack of a$$holes

that's handy as a pocket on a shirt

he's so tight, you couldn't pull a needle out of his a$$ with a tractor

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Vito

10-16-2007 16:17:37

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Tighter than a nats a$$ strechted over a rain barrel

He could sell a horse with bad legs pantyhose.

Can't remember the rest of them but they all are good.
Vito

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lgc

10-16-2007 16:13:38

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

He is so hard to please, He would complain if you hung him with a new rope.

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Dave_Id

10-16-2007 16:12:40

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Hotter than the seven hubs of hell

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jason, NW Ontario

10-16-2007 15:50:09

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Strong like a bull; smart like a dumptruck (my grampa's favorite)

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Dave_Id

10-16-2007 15:46:33

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Tighter than duck pu$$y, that's water tight

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suptscottyb

10-16-2007 15:43:31

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Wow!!! I'm late to this party, Some really good old ones and a few "I aint herd"

Dumb? "A few bricks short of a full load"
or he is not the sharpest tool in the shed...

Tight wad? "Tighter n two coats a paint"
Knew a man so tight he had the first dollar he ever earned, and the man's arm clear up to the elbow who gave it to him!

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JPatton

10-16-2007 15:38:59

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

My dad used to tell me: "You could tear up an anvil in a sand pile."

I was so confused in college my room mate said I didn't know whether to sh*t or go blind.

My uncle once told me I didn't know big wood from brush.

My co-workers think that I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

I once told my boss he was about a sharp as a marble. (he never did figure that out)

One of my favorites is "This ain't my first rodeo"

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harry selleck

10-16-2007 15:19:23

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

So ugly she would stop an eight day clock

He was so poor he was like the snake that didn"t have a pit to hiss in.

He is worse than some peoples kids

We would excuse a pig -- a hog would know better

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Casstuba

10-16-2007 15:08:38

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Slicker 'n snot on a door knob

Put him in a round room and tell him to go p*** in a corner

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Mr. Bob

10-17-2007 18:19:38

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to Casstuba, 10-16-2007 15:08:38

Slicker than gooses#it on a pump handle, slicker than snot on a coat sleeve.

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Kestrel in CT

10-16-2007 15:05:34

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

We had a co-worker that had an annoying eye twitch, both eyes, for years. Drove us all crazy.

An old timer finally said to him " J...Christ, will ya knock it off ? You're blinking worse than a toad in a hailstorm !"

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olddog

10-16-2007 14:47:18

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Couldn't pour p-ss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel
Hotter'n a Fresh F Fox inna Forest Fire
Couldn't drive a wheelbarrow w/ power streering
Whaddyea know about milking ducks inna hurricane?
ANS>>> Use a round stool and stand 'em on their haid..
Could tear up a steel ball inna rubber room.

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DRL

10-16-2007 14:14:43

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Dumber than a box of rocks, He could tear up an anvil with a feather duster, It was so dry the trees were whistling for the dogs. Colder than a brass monkey's b*lls. Drunker than a skunk. All up in your papers. Slower than dead lice falling off. Gag a maggot off a gut wagon.

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jp88

10-16-2007 14:47:44

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to DRL, 10-16-2007 14:14:43

We were so poor we had to go out in the yard and bark like a dog so the neighbors would think we had one.Had to walk to school 5 miles every day up hill both ways.

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philcaseinWPA

10-16-2007 14:13:14

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Busier than a one armed wall paper hanger with an itch.
btdt

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onefarmer

10-16-2007 14:12:06

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Hand me the goose grease

Gets such good gas milage you have to stop and drain some off.

The weather's great... if your a duck.

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Don-Wi

10-16-2007 14:10:21

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

A few fries short of a happy meal

pot callin the kettle black

aint the brightest bear in the woods

smokin like a chimney

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redbone

10-16-2007 14:03:32

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

"she"s so skinny you cant even hit her with a handful of corn"

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jp88

10-16-2007 13:55:53

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

I was so surprised I had a look on my face like an Amish in Circuit City.

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in-too-deep

10-16-2007 13:15:24

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

"That ____ doesn't need to be fiddle string tight"

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georgeky

10-16-2007 13:11:33

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Couldn't hit a bull in the butt, with a bass fiddle.

He is tighter than bark on a tree.

Dad always told me that giving me money was like sticking up a wild hogs a$$ a hollering sueeeee!

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Allan In NE

10-16-2007 13:02:42

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Guess it's not a "saying", but I knew an ol' gal one time that was such a bad cook that ya prayed AFTER ya ate.

Asked her one time if she was absolutely sure that the eggs were supposed to glow in the dark. :>)

Gotta say tho, that she had a pair of legs that ran all the way into the middle of next week. :>)

Allan

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Sunspot

10-16-2007 12:46:24

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Duller than a bowling ball

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CWL

10-16-2007 12:43:29

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

thought of a few more
Finer than a frog's hair split three ways

Slicker than snot

Thats no hill for a stepper

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8N'r--WI

10-16-2007 13:05:21

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to CWL, 10-16-2007 12:43:29

Slicker than snot----on linoleum

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earthmasterk

10-16-2007 12:23:57

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Look deep into their eyes and there is no one looking back.

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Joe in IN

10-16-2007 12:23:51

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

my contribution....

tighter than a frogs a$$ in January.....

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37 chief

10-16-2007 12:08:44

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

He's such a good salesman he could sell ice to a Eskimo. -- It's as tight as skin on a frog. I liked the one about trying to put socks on a rooster. I needed a good laugh today. Stan

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Midwest redneck

10-16-2007 12:24:13

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to 37 chief, 10-16-2007 12:08:44

He is such a good sales men that he can sell sand to the Arabs.

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Lance in Brenham, TX

10-16-2007 12:06:41

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

"tighter than Dicks hat-band"

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Dave (Tx)

10-16-2007 11:45:41

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

He'd climb a tree to tell you a lie when he could stay on the ground and tell you the truth.

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Jeff-oh

10-16-2007 11:41:55

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

pit in on hand and "I want" in the other and see which one gets filled first.

Whatever hits the fan, will not be evenly distributed.

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Txsprigger

10-16-2007 11:38:09

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Nervous- Couldn't drive a needle up his a_s with a sledge hammer
Worthless- Useless as teats on a boar hog
Long-legged - Could stand flat footed and crap in a dump truck
Clueless - Don't know sheep shut from shinola
Wishful thinking - spit in one hand, wish in the other, end up with spit in your hand
Blind in one eye, can't see out of the other
Drunker 'n a waltzing pis ant
Diarrhea - shut through a screen door, never hit a wire
Worse Diarrhea - shut through a cheese cloth
Cold - colder'n a witches teat in a brass bra
Colder - colder 'n a well diggers a_s in Montana

Got lots more, better quit now

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8N'r--WI

10-16-2007 11:09:22

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

----dumber than a fencepost

----not the sharpest pencil in the box

----not the oldest owl in the tree

----so ugly it would make a freight train take a dirt road

----so ugly it would make a charging rhino reverse direction

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rhouston

10-16-2007 11:06:42

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Couldn't pour p1ss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel

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Charger69

10-16-2007 11:03:54

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

He drives so slow even the Amish give him the "finger".

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pair-a-dice farm

10-16-2007 10:58:58

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Colder than a witches t!t

So ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.

I'm such a bad salesman, I couldn't sell the devil a glass of ice water.

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rrlund

10-16-2007 10:07:57

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Or did you want something more along the line of rain before seven ends by eleven,or mud in the oats,dust in the wheat and the bins will overflow?

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in-too-deep

10-16-2007 10:05:15

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Oh yeah, one time I heard Allan in NE describe fixing a Ford SOS trans as: "Like trying to put socks on a rooster." I like that one.

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10-16-2007 10:05:08

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Darker than a stack of black cats.

Drunker then 700 indians

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rrlund

10-16-2007 10:01:47

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Tighter than a bulls as* in fly season.

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4010guy

10-16-2007 09:53:40

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Well, for When things get difficult.
Its about like trying to shove butter up a wild cats a$$ with a hot poker.

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Walt Davies

10-16-2007 09:48:01

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

She's so ugly she has sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

Strike while the iron is hot. (My grandmother's favorite)

Happier than two peas in a pod.

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2-70

10-16-2007 09:35:55

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Hotter than a seven peckered billy goat

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midwest redneck

10-16-2007 09:35:13

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Real good in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

His breath is so bad that he could knock a buzzard off a *hit wagon.

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midwest redneck

10-16-2007 09:34:09

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

1. Shes so ugly that she looks worse then 10 miles of bad road.

2. Hes going so slow that if he was going any slower then he would be going in reverse.

3. She can suc* the chrome off a trailer hitch.

4. She can suc* golf balls through a tennis racket.

5. (when changing a tire) It is only flat on the bottom.

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Mark - IN.

10-16-2007 17:29:05

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to midwest redneck, 10-16-2007 09:34:09

I heard Elvis use No. 3 to describe what one of his backup singers did for him before a concert, and by the looks of her and the way she smiled, I"m guessing that she tried.

That knife"s so dull it won"t cut hot butter.

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noncompos

10-16-2007 09:32:11

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

What?? No one remembers "raining pitchforks and hammer handles" (Mid-west/Chicago)...from the southwest there"s the slightly newer "He"s not overloaded with common sense"..

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old timer in ohio

10-16-2007 09:24:29

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Hey there
just remembered a few more.
busier than a cat covering
crap on a marble floor,softer
than a babys butt,smarter an a whip,howling like an ol hound
dog,setting on his ba**s an too
lazy ta move. Bob
God Bless

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CWL

10-16-2007 09:23:57

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Raining like a cow p*ssing on a flat rock
Toad strangler (a very hard rain)

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Blue3992 (N Illinois)

10-16-2007 09:22:58

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.

Discretion is the batter part of valor.

In God we trust, all else bring data. (Said by a long-time test engineer).

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in-too-deep

10-16-2007 09:18:16

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

"Couldn't find his arse with both hands and a flashlight." That might be my personal favorite.

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c-man

10-16-2007 09:14:02

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

How about when something "is the best thing since sliced bread"? My question is, What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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Nemisis

10-16-2007 13:55:36

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to c-man, 10-16-2007 09:14:02

"What was the best thing before sliced bread?"

Best thing since Free Beer!!

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Tradititonal Farmer

10-16-2007 09:11:47

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

She is so ugly that her mama had to tie a bone around her neck when she was little so the dog would play with her.

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PatMz

10-16-2007 10:35:16

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the dog became a vegetarian in reply to Tradititonal Farmer, 10-16-2007 09:11:47

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old timer in ohio

10-16-2007 09:02:41

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Hey there I used to work with this"good ol boy"
(about 30 yrs. ago) he had some. busier than a little bulls tail at fly time, spinning like the
button on the shi*house door, looser than a gooses a**hole,
etc. etc.etc. Bob
God Bless

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Blackhole49

10-16-2007 09:02:25

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

He"s depriving a town somewhere of an idiot.
His elevator doesn"t go all the way to the top.
Not the brightest bulb on the tree.

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Chooch

10-16-2007 09:01:42

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

You could destroy an anvil in a padded cell.
Hotter than a popcorn fart in the middle of July.
Horse feathers.

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Fawteen

10-16-2007 09:19:26

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to Chooch, 10-16-2007 09:01:42

"Lock that feller in a padded room with two bowling balls, he'd lose one and break the other one."

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John In MD

10-16-2007 08:57:22

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Dumber than a stump, ugly as a mud fence, colder than a mother in laws kiss, common as cat cr*p, colder than a wh*res heart.

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Dan-IA

10-16-2007 09:11:13

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to John In MD, 10-16-2007 08:57:22

Hornier than a two-peckered owl.
So bucktoothed you could eat corn on a cob through a picket fence.
Not the brightest light bulb in the pack.

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jp88

10-16-2007 14:00:00

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to Dan-IA, 10-16-2007 09:11:13

Harder than times in twenty nine
German steel
Chinese arithmetic

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2-70

10-16-2007 08:56:43

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Busier than a cat on a tin barn!

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in-too-deep

10-16-2007 09:14:47

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to 2-70, 10-16-2007 08:56:43

Variation: Busier than a cat buryin' crap on a sidewalk ; )

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RustyFarmall

10-16-2007 08:53:29

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

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cj3b_jeep

10-16-2007 08:48:07

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

I've actually seen a stuck hog bleeding! Wow, do they ever bleed. My favorites are "dumber than a sack of hammers" and "busier than a one-armed mountain climber with jock itch."

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havvey

10-16-2007 08:44:09

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

Worse than a bull in a china closet. Worse than a monkey in a smoke house knocking down the hams. Happier than a monkey with a blow gun. Tougher than a bag of hammers. Meaner than a rattlesnake with a head on each end. Longer than a H**rs dream!! Got to go for know.

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RobMD

10-16-2007 08:32:35

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to in-too-deep, 10-16-2007 08:13:14

I'm Busier than a one-legged man at an a$$ kicking contest.

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Ford 312

10-16-2007 08:52:45

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to RobMD, 10-16-2007 08:32:35

He was born stupid and had a relapse.
He was one pony shy of having a Merry-go-round.
If you want to know how stupid you can get, he is a good example.
He was so drunk he didn't know whether he was afoot or horseback.
He was all lit up like Uncle Tipsy on Christmas.
The neighbors didn't realize he drank, until he came home sober one night - the dog didn't recognize him and bit him.
He is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The porch lights are on, but nobody is home.
If you told him good morning he would be stumped for an answer.

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Fawteen

10-16-2007 09:21:12

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to Ford 312, 10-16-2007 08:52:45

"So confused, he didn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."

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arthur hostert

10-16-2007 19:54:21

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Re: Those Old-Timer Sayings in reply to Fawteen, 10-16-2007 09:21:12

I GET OLD TOO SOON AND SMART TOO LATE.

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