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Re: Problem guy/bidder/former neighbor. ( long post)


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Posted by Ralph Bauer on April 07, 2012 at 20:26:19 from (75.107.19.155):

In Reply to: Problem guy/bidder/former neighbor. ( long post) posted by JDseller on April 07, 2012 at 19:27:18:

There are always two sides to any story and/or situation. And when I make that remark, I am simply saying that there are two different perspectives and/or perceptions of what happened. That seems to be the case here.
Professionally, I would suggest to see if mediation might resolve the issue, or at least clarify it. But in order for that to happen, both of you would have to be willing to voluntarily sit down and freely discuss the issue with the help of a trained third "neutral" (Least costly option involves your local community mediation programs). From your perspective, and what you tell is that the issue has moved from sentimental value and a matter of cash to personal resentment of financial profit. Other issue that might play a subliminal secondary, but equally important role is the (stressed) relationship between him and his siblings as outlined in the described fight over the estate. While he is not able to profit to the extend he envisioned due to his siblings being a part of the estate, he sees you as another (perhaps closer) target that is also to blame for the lower financial share coming his way, perhaps more readily than his siblings.
With the escalation of the resentment towards you and ensuing increased measure he takes, it seems that he is navigating himself more and more into a corner from which a graceful and face saving exit becomes less and less likely for him (hence my suggestion for mediation). One possibility might include the fact that the tractor is no longer yours and that you would love to sell him the tractor at his price, but since you don't have it you cannot set the price. What would he do with the tractor if he had it, what would be different then vs. what now with him not having the tractor. What would he do if it were not him and you in this situation, but two of his siblings or him and another sibling? How would he handle and resolve those issues? Questions along those lines of thinking outside the box, role reversal, looking in vs. looking out might work, but require a certain amount of rational thinking and behavior.
On occasion, however, there is no rational thinking and behavior dictating ones action. Even the best run interference, mediation, etc. will not resolve things. You need to carefully weigh your options such as taken personal precautions or legal steps, a protective order for example. P.O.s are a measure of last resort and in most instances require a repeated, well documented, threat or harm from someone against another or his family/belongings. You want to carefully weigh those steps, as they certainly will worsen matters and you don't need to have those derailed and dismissed due to a substantive, factual or procedural mis-step of yours. That would play into his hand and give him something to brag about, perhaps the "victory" of getting one up over you.


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