Do you hunt? Do you fish? Do you do anything for recreation? Or is it all work, 24/7/365? My dad liked to hunt and fish, and he included me in that part of his life. Part of the reason that I had no problem sharing the work at the garage with Dad is because he shared some of the FUN stuff with me.
If you only want to include him in the stuff that, to him, is no fun...well...you'll continue to get what you're apparently getting now.
Have you tried to get involved with the stuff your son considers fun? Do you know what he considers fun? Do you care?
If all he thinks of when he's with you is work and responsibilities that aren't things he wants to deal with, he'll end up rejecting that as not what he wants out of life. My grand-dad spent every daylight hour outside the garage working in his garden. He managed to convince me that I didn't want to ever have a garden, because it was all work, all the time. Is that what your son sees in the things YOU consider fun?
I'm not condemning you. I'm just asking you to examine your relationship with your son. Are you and your son friends when you're not assigning him tasks and "laying down the law"?? The way you talk of him, I wonder. Do you ever have a heart-to-heart talk with him, where you actually listen to HIM, rather than having a "sit down and shut up" kind of discussion?
Now, some kids DO need a drill sergeant approach to keep them on the straight and narrow...and some never get it. These are the ones who end up in jail, or on drugs, or dead. If your son doesn't need a drill sergeant, maybe he needs a fun outlet WITH Dad.
Just suggesting some things to think about. I'm almost 60, and and I'm a grandfather. My kids are a couple of my best friends, even if we don't agree on a few things. My son is a sports nut, and on Sunday he'll be at a Super Bowl party, cooking most of the food. I probably won't even watch the Super Bowl. But when he talks sports, I listen...because I know it's one of his passions, and I often learn something. We tell kids to find what they love, and then do what they love in order to have a happy life. Sometimes what THEY love and what WE love is different. It doesn't mean you've failed as a parent, and it doesn't mean your kid is a failure, either.
So don't make him feel like one, or you'll keep driving him away.
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