Years ago another guy and I were doing an ongoing telephone repair for some funeral homes that were tied together that every morning at 4:50 AM, the systems would go down, not recover, customer would show up, phones would be down at multiple funeral homes. The owner gave us the keys to their funeral homes, we'd get there about 4:30, hook up test equipment, monitor, clockwork 4:50, down they'd go.
I'm at the main funeral home, three loads back and forth to my truck to drag my test equipment in. They had a body in a bag on a gurney that they had picked up not real long before I got there and I had to squeeze between it and a wall to get to the telephone equipment. Each time I squeezed my way in, I looked down trying to figure out which end was the head, and feet. No biggie, I get around the corner, hook my gear up to catch the events and start hearing banging around the corner. It's about 4:45 AM and there was no one there in the garage but me and a bagged corpse, and now there's banging around the corner by the corpse. Oh crap. I look around the corner and see someone moving on the other side of one of the hearses in the dimly lit garage, so I yell "Hey you". This guy pops his head up and looks around, drops stuff and runs out the door and is gone. Was the flower guy making a delivery. He scared me, I really scared him. 4:50 comes, equipment goes down, but I see the problem coming from the far end, not my side so I tell the guy that I'm working with at a funeral home about 20 miles away that I'd meet him at his end the next day and see if we can't catch it there. It took me three trips carrying test gear past that corpse on the gurney on the way in, one trip out. I didn't want to go past that bag more than once leaving.
Next morning I meet the other guy at his end, we setup, clockwork at 4:50, down it drops but isn't the equipment. Its the circuit between us. We get the equipment back up and he goes his way to check phones, I go mine. I'm down in the basement in a room where they drain the body fluids and there's a phone in it that works, but there's also an open coffin on a stand and I get this idea. I know that if I don't go upstairs that sooner or later he's going to come downstairs looking for me. I figure that I'm going to play a joke on him, hop up into the coffin, pull the lid down and wait until I hear him come into the room looking for me, then I was going to knock on the lid and ask, "Hello, is there someone there? Where am I? Can someone let me out of here?", and so one. Problem was that every time I tried to hop up into the coffin, the stand moved on its casters. I'm trying to hop up into the coffin and its moving around the room and finally he rounds the corner and catches me, so I fessed up. I don't know much about coffins but started to think, what if I did make it in, pulled the lid shut and it locked. What then? By then he and I were getting to know the folks at the funeral homes pretty good, so I was telling one of the ladies that worked there, a mortician and quite a hottie what I tried and how the coffin kept scooting away from me, so I couldn't get in it. She wasn't mad, but she did tell me that was a $20,000 coffin and its a good thing that I didn't knock it off of the stand and break it.
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