Posted by Hoby on February 10, 2015 at 12:53:56 from (73.50.99.112):
1.Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards :NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?
4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
7. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
8. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
9. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
10. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
11. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
13. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.
14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
16. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
19. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
20. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
21. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?
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Today's Featured Article - Listening to Your Tractor - by Curtis Von Fange. Years ago there was a TV show about a talking car. Unless you are from another planet, physically or otherwise, I don’t think our internal combustion buddies will talk and tell us their problems. But, on the other hand, there is a secret language that our mechanical companions readily do speak. It is an interesting form of communication that involves all the senses of the listener. In this series we are going to investigate and learn the basic rudimentary skills of understanding this lingo.
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