Re: What is a Canadian?

Posted by buickanddeere on December 30, 2015 at 16:43:59 from (173.241.105.203):

In Reply to: What is a Canadian? posted by centash on December 28, 2015 at 14:44:58:

[quote="CVPost-centash"](quoted from post at 18:44:58 12/28/15) As Canadians, we sometimes suffer from a bit of an identity crisis. While going through Facebook, I saw this entry, "What is a Canadian?" Try your answer, and we will compare it to the one there.

. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them

die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto – can I follow the railroad

tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only Four thousand miles (7000 km), take lots of water. . .

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)

A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to

contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)

A: Let’s not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list

of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?

(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da

is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo

racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is north in Canada? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and

we’ll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .

. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in

Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)

A: No, WE don’t stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can

you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)

A: You are an American politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female

population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)

A: Only at Thanksgiving.

16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year

round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is

illegal.

17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense

rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely

handled and make good pets.

18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its

name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)

A: It’s called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains

of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying

yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

19. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

I have a friend in Toronto, do you know Dave Smith? P.S. I live in Vancouver."



- Joe Foley

"Can I buy a toonie from you for $10 American? Yes. Yes you can."



- Dawn Brown

"When I recommended the War Museum, an American tourist said, 'Canada was in a war?'"



- Carol Bode

"I've actually seen American tourists coming across the border in the summer with skis on the roof of their cars.

Apparently there's some magical line where winter never ends up here."



- Mark Morissette

"Why, when I insert my American bank card in an ATM machine, does it give me Canadian money?"



- Susan Miller

"Do you have the 4th of July up here?"



- Jennifer Brewer

"What time do they turn on the Northern Lights (asked when I worked in Toronto in the tourism sector)."



- Janath Corso Vesna

"When waitering in Vancouver many times I was asked if the menu was in American dollars.

As well, when signing the credit card slip for payment I was asked:

'Will the tip be in US or Canadian dollars?'

Replied 'It's a Canadian pen.'"



- Mad Skillz

"Where can I buy some totem pole seeds?"



- Adam Greene

"Where are the igloos?"



- Mindy Amirault-Schrader

"While working in Niagara Falls: 'Where can I exchange Canadian dollars into Niagara Falls currency?'"



- Sabrina Rashid

"At Niagara Falls: 'When do they shut the water off? We don't want to miss seeing them.'"



- Juliette Dekkers-Ross

"'How did they get Lake Louise to turn blue?'

My friend told the stupid Americans they drained it every week and refilled it with blue dyed water"

lake louise

(Photo: ELEEPHOTOGRAPHY/FLICKR)

- Billy Royle

"You're Canadian? How come you aren't speaking French?"



- Donna Martin

"Do you speak Canadian here?"



- Claudia Vargas Thompson

"In Hamilton and they wanted to know if they could squeeze in a day trip to check out Toronto and Vancouver!"



- Jay Higgins

"Tourist: 'We're going to Nova Scotia for lunch.'

Me: (Looks at watch that reads 11:45 am) 'Oh when are you planning to leave?'

Tourist: 'So how do we get there from here?'

Me: 'Simple, take the 401 until it merges with the Trans Canada highway and then follow that right the way though.'

Tourist: 'Great, how long do you think it will take?'

Me: 'Depends on traffic but, if you're lucky, about a week.'

Tourists: (Blank look on faces as they drive off)."



- Nyx Cole

"I was in Vancouver and a tourist stopped me and asked me if they could walk to Niagara Falls from Vancouver.

Yeah we are only the second largest country on earth (next to Russia). Seriously?"



- Steven Cedrone

"Where can I go to see the Queen?"



- Anthony Aleksic

"Do I need a metric compass when I go hiking?"



- Jef-something Brian Thomas Ormston

"If the sign says it's 100 km, how far is it really?"



- Kathy Horning

"Many years ago when I was working for Parks Canada at the War of 1812 Blockhouse in St. Andrews by-the-Sea in New Brunswick I was asked by an American Tourist what was the name of the flag we had flying on our flagpost.

I replied that it was the Union Jack, the British flag.

At this point she excitedly turned to her husband and said 'Oh my God, we aren't in New Brunswick, we are in British Columbia!'"



- Erin McKenna

"In Banff National Park 'Where IS THE PARK!!!!???'"



- Yvette Hockenhull

"'So, how do you guys keep your teeth? I've heard the cold snaps them off.'

Seriously. I was asked this!"



- Wendy Noble

"In Nova Scotia: 'Where do you all live in winter?'"



- SherylnShawn Dauphney

"I was once asked 'If the snow melts, do you have to get around by canoe?'"



- Joelle Fairley-Woodman

"Texas is bigger than Canada, right?"



- Kat Dors

"What river for the smoked salmon run?"



- Chris X Cross

"From an American: 'Do they show the Super Bowl in Canada?'"



- Colleen MacDonald

"A U.S. citizen asked if they could see an example of our money 'tokens'? When I told them we call them coins, just like in the U.S., they swore up and down that we called them tokens."



- Anne Martin

"How come you don't you say 'eh after every sentence?"



- Danny Bellamore

"'Do y'all have pizza in Canada? (Tourist from Virginia Beach)."



- Gena Klaarwater

"I was a tour guide at 18. One older American gentleman got quite irate at me, 'Why did you people attack us in the war of 1812?' he grouched. Nice."



- Leigh Redstone

Back in the '80s, when I worked at the CN Tower waitressing, I approached my table of American tourists to take their order.

One of them asked me as they looked out the window at Lake Ontario:

"Is that the Pacific Ocean?"



- Suzanne Sagar

"'How do you guys keep the glaciers white during the summer? Do you have to paint them?'

Of course, I would always answer yes to this common yet amazing question.

Job creation I'd say, keeps us all working during the summer."

Added on: September 22nd, 2003

I work in an outdoors gear shop in Squamish, BC. We're in a touristy little corridor so we get a lot of Americans coming in to shop or look around.

Yesterday I was asked if the prices in the store were in American dollars.

Did I mention that this is a good two hour drive north from the border?

Added on: September 22nd, 2003

How about: "You're from Canada? Eh? Get it! EH?"

"How come all you Canadians are so polite?"

(Because all you Americans are armed, and we're not stupid...)

And the one that I get all the time when I travel and which is apparently some source of humour here: "How come all you Canadians have a Canadian flag on your backpack?"

(Hey I like to have a little thing to remind me of home. And people ask you questions about home when they know where you're from--Often the first question is: "I hear there's good pot in BC")



Added on: September 22nd, 2003

Today a swiss student asked me why we "United states" attacked iraq.

I said it was because we have decided to establish a worldwide military and economic empire in order to establish the united states as the head of the new world order... and kill puppies.

Heh, didnt go over too well.

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