Brent, You sound very unhappy with the situation, but you don't seem to have any alternative solutions to offer yet. If "old timers" is Alzheimer's disease, your mother will require constant (24 hour) care just to keep her from running away or injuring herself. As you have found, nursing home care is very expensive $5,000 to $10,000 or more per month. Some government assistance is available, but the taxpayers are not made of money either. Most states require personal assets to be used first before the state can step in and take over those huge costs. If you are in a position to pay for your parents care, you can skip the government requirements and just pay all the bills yourself. Most families are not in that position.
Fighting with your sister will only make things worse for your parents. Try to work together with your sister and your brother to share responsibility for caring for your parents. How much can you or your sister handle? It sounds like neither your dad or your sister can continue to care for your mother. Can your sister continue looking after your dad while you move your mom to your house so you can take care of her there? Is your spouse OK with that?
After you do get a solution worked out, don't be too surprised if some time later your non-involved brother wakes up and demands to know why things are changing and why you made the decisions you did. It seems every Johnny-come-lately will do that, it's just part of the process.
Good luck, caring for aging parents isn't easy, fun or cheap.
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