Re: Todays funny

Posted by Cory Schmidt on June 07, 2017 at 15:23:55 from (74.213.216.82):

In Reply to: Todays funny posted by jon f mn on June 07, 2017 at 06:22:13:

I got that in an email a while back....here's a few more

BAND SAW:

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or
for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple and bend the surrounding metal on an expensive project.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts - adjacent to the object you are trying to hit.
The hammer is also the best tool ever invented to create blood blisters, and to smash thumbs.

UTILITY KNIFE:

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door;
....works particularly well contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts
Especially useful for removing blood from your fingers.(caused by the hammer)

METRIC TOOLS:
Are designed to double the number of sockets and wrenches in your tool box.

SAE TOOLS:
Are designed to round off bolt heads on metric fasteners.

CHAIN SAW:
A powerful inspiring saw that is designed to " kick back " leaving a racing stripe on your forehead.

VOLTMETER:
A device that is used to measure the amount of current,
before you receive voltage through your body.

JUMPER CABLES:
Thick heavy cables with clamps to remove the smoke from an alternator.
Also very good at creating pretty sparks to help you light up your work area

AIR IMPACT WRENCH:
A tool used to permanently install lug nuts on a vehicle.
Sometimes used to seat oil drain plugs.

Duct Tape & Bailing Wire:
That's is what you use when all your other tools you have failed you!

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