Re: Some advice...off topic kinda..

Posted by G Taylor........thoughts on dating on November 19, 2002 at 08:31:59 from (64.10.143.165):

In Reply to: Some advice...off topic kinda.. posted by Mike on November 16, 2002 at 18:00:32:

DADDIES RULES OF DATING!!!!
> > >
> > > Rule One:
> > > If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
> > > package,because you're sure not picking anything up.
> > >
> > > Rule Two:
> > > You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
> > > long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
> > > your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
> > >
> > > Rule Three:
> > > I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
> wear
> > > their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
hips.
> > > Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends
are
> > > complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this
> > > issue,
> > > so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your
> underwear
> > > showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object.
However,
> > > in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during
the
> > > course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun
> and
> > > fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
> > >
> > > Rule Four:
> > > I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, $ex without utilizing
a
> > > "Barrier method" of some kind can killl you. Let me elaborate, when it
> > > comes to $ex, I am the barrier, and I will killl you.
> > >
> > > Rule Five:
> > >
> > > It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other,
> > > we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.
> Please
> > > do not do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication
> > > of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and
the
> > > only word I need from you on this subject is:"early".
> > >
> > > Rule Six:
> > > I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
> date
> > > other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
> daughter.
> > > Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue
> > > to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her
> > > cry, I will make you cry.
> > >
> > > Rule Seven:
> > > As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and
> > > more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be
on
> > > time
> > > for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her
> > > makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate
> > > Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something
> > > useful, like changing the oil in my car?
> > >
> > > Rule Eight:
> > > The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
> > > Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
> > > stool.
> > > Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding
> > > hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm
enough
> > > to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts,
or
> > > anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -
zipped
> > > up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or $exual theme are to
> be
> > > avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are
> okay.
> > > Old folks homes are better.
> > >
> > > Rule Nine:
> > > Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied,
balding,middle-aged,
> > > dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
> > > all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you
are
> > > going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the
whole
> > > truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five
> > > acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
> > >
> > > Rule Ten:
> > > Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
> > > sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
> > > paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in
> my
> > > head frequently tell me to clean the gun$ as I wait for you to bring
my
> > > daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit
> the
> > > car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
> > > announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home
safely
> > > and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come
> > > inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
> > >
> > >
> >
>
>
>

Follow Ups:

• Re: Re: Some advice...off topic kinda.. erin 18:41:04 11/21/02 (0)
• Re: Re: Some advice...off topic kinda.. Corncob 13:18:09 11/19/02 (0)
• Re: Re: Some advice...off topic kinda.. thurlow 10:56:58 11/19/02 (0)

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