Re: OT Marriage Problem

Posted by A. Nonie Mouse on April 11, 2006 at 20:12:47 from (4.89.131.244):

In Reply to: OT Marriage Problem posted by blank on April 11, 2006 at 18:28:39:

I've read thru the thread to this point, and because my spouse reads these posts too, I figure I'd better not use my name. But to be honest, it sounds like you have the kind of marriage that I once had, where SHE does what SHE wants to do, and YOU do what SHE wants to do. Ever hear the terms "codependence" or "enabler"?? In short, she's got emotional problems, and as long as you let her, she'll continue to rule you.

Marriage is supposed to be 50/50, and give-and-take. The "MY way or the highway" thing is NOT how healthy relationships work. Sounds like you carry the bigger load in caring for the kids...BTDT. You make sure she can sleep because of her work shift, you get the kids to school and pick 'em up...did you marry a princess? Is she a queen? Being considerate of her needs and the needs of the kids is one thing. When you turn into the doormat for daring to have a dream of carrying on a family tradition, and one that doesn't concern perversion, drunkenness, drug usage, or crime, then it's time to take inventory of that marriage.

If she's THAT eager to put the "don't let the door hit ya" line out there, it sounds like the marriage is already running on fumes, 'cause the tank's almost empty. Ask yourself, "would I be better off with her or without her?" And then ask yourself, "how will the kids be affected?" Look deep inside your heart and your soul for the answers to these questions. Obviously, she's convinced that she'd have no trouble with life minus you. So is the loss of a family tradition, a ranch that's been handed down over the years, worth spending the rest of your life knowing that your wife doesn't value you as much as she values her job? Or is the ranch worth more than your marriage? Only you can make that call. While the romantic in all of us admires the person who gives up material things for love, the realist knows that seldom does that happen without regret moving into the attic or the spare bedroom. And regret often grows up to become resentment. And resentment can strangle a marriage that's already on life support; it's even killed some that were perfectly healthy before resentment came along.

I can't tell you which to choose. I can only advise you of some factors to consider when making your choice. But if it was easy, we'd all be living in a castle eating ice cream and cotton candy and all our wishes would come true. Life's hard, and some choices are harder. You have to decide what's right for you, and your family is BOTH your dad and your kids. You have an obligation to both, according to the way I read the scriptures. But YOU have to live with the results. Once history is written, you can't unwrite it. You can't unsay things. You can't erase things. You can't change the past. You can't live in the future. But you CAN change how TODAY plays out. That's ALL the control you have.

Pray for guidance, and pray for wisdom. And then follow your heart. If your heart is in the marriage, the ranch is just material goods. But if your heart is in the ranch, that's where you need to be. No man can serve two masters, the Good Book says. So figure out where your treasure lies, and there is where your heart is. Then follow it.

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