Re: OT Marriage Problem

Posted by Hal/WA on April 11, 2006 at 22:29:56 from (148.65.0.200):

In Reply to: OT Marriage Problem posted by blank on April 11, 2006 at 18:28:39:

I suggest you talk to a lawyer who has a lot of experience in family law and the ins and outs of property law in your state. Maybe the lawyer could answer some of your questions about your "opportunity" and the tough problem of a wife who doesn't want to cooperate with you. Is your state a community property state?

You mentioned that you have siblings that have no interest in the ranch. Maybe that is the case, but a chunk of property that large has to be worth a fair amount of money no matter where it is. Will your siblings be content with your inheriting the farm, or will they demand their "fair share" even if they have done nothing to earn it since they were kids. A similar problem almost tore a huge hole in my family when my Dad wanted to SELL me the farm at a price I could manage and my siblings were sure it was worth a lot more. I ended up walking away from the deal and saved my relationship with my siblings. I built a much better house on a chunk of the farm I received earlier and went on with my life. It was a good decision for me. It might not make any difference in your family, but money has a way of complicating things.

I would look at the potential income from operating the ranch. Can you make it? Is your Dad doing OK financially? If you decide to take over the ranch, I would suggest having a formal, written contract with your Dad about what you are supposed to do and what you are supposed to get for doing it. Some time, just like everyone else, your Dad will die, and it might be super important to have things written down beforehand. I don't know what kind of a relationship you have with your Dad, or if he plans to continue living on the ranch and being the boss. It might not be too fun to be a "hey boy" for very long, if he is at all that way.

Another question to ask yourself is how bad do you want to do this, long term? I grew up on a farm/ranch and spent my whole childhood working very hard. Would I have wanted to try to make my living as a farmer? I thought so for awhile, but the opportunity never really presented itself. Our place was too small and rocky to have any chance of supporting even one person without working another job. In high school I went with the daughter of one of the biggest farmers in the area, but that didn't end up with a marriage. I found a job that paid pretty well, was reasonably interesting most of the time and was a heck of a lot easier than farming. Can a person make a decent living on that ranch? It has seemed to me that the costs of doing the business of farming just keep skyrocketing, but the prices paid to the producers for commodities doesn't seem to go up much at all. A lot of my friends who farm have advised their sons to figure out something else to do, since there was no money, and perhaps no future in farming.

Women are strange critters. They don't think like you or I do and you probably don't understand what is going on in her head. I would wonder how your relationship with your wife has been doing for awhile, considering her reaction. Will she agree to counselling? Believe me, it is often worth the money and effort to deal with counselling, but both parties have to want it to work. Or is she on the move, and this is an excuse to split? If she is a city girl, is she afraid of being out in the country?

Is there a compromise? Could you operate the ranch while living where you do now? A 40 mile commute is not a ridiculous idea, if you use a vehicle that gets good mileage most of the time, but it does take a lot of time. Of course there would be times that you would have to stay at the ranch. Maybe you could come to an agreement that after a certain amount of time, she would move to the ranch if your operating it is working out OK.

In one respect, I envy you the incredible opportunity you seem to be getting. But in other respects, I sure would hate to have to make the decisions you will be making in the near future. Whatever you decide, if you are anything like me, you will sometimes second guess yourself and wish you made the other choice.

Good luck, and I hope what you decide will be the best for you and your family. There probably is no totally perfect answer.

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