Re: Please - help me with advice

Posted by NE IA on June 06, 2009 at 08:02:00 from (206.72.18.153):

In Reply to: Please - help me with advice posted by beautygaru on June 06, 2009 at 06:00:27:

I've been divorced twice, spend alot of time visitng with folks in trouble, I only ask questions usualy instead of telling my opinion. From what you have said, and I'm guessing, ONLY guessing......you already have the answer inside your head, just that it is hard to be rejected.

If marrage is in the picture, what kind of advise would you give a close friend in the same situation? OH hell yea... get married because all your troubles will go away?---or would you suggest they have their head up their behind and can't see the obveous?

You are fortunate you have not married at this point, it gets real ugly when things go sour--you know that from friends going through a divorce.

Marriage consultants are very well paid for the percent of marriages saved in my opinion. This is not a fault on their behalf as we often tend to think....Sometimes you can't fix broken regardless of the pay scale. Not to mention if the other party is not interested in fixing, rather only going through the process.

If your self esteme is running low at this point, look around lady.. there are women big enough to pull a beer wagon that have husbands that love them to death, so get over that part.

If you want to test the waters, get out of the house so he assumes you have better options--let him come home to a empty house for a week or two and see the results. You can not force any person to love you--you just have to be his best option. Like it or not, often options change.

Some folks will advise they have been married ---for years and years and all---hey guess what? Thats great for them, but many are stuck in a rut--no one else is beating the door down to get at them.

I thought I was very fortunate to marry two of the nicest looking / well blessed women in the world, but that makes almost every man in the town a threat. does that make me ugly, stupid or less desirable?? That answer is often a major issue in rejection by a spouce, sometimes suicide is the quick fix in a rejected ones mind. Stupit as hell to say the least--but most honest divorced folks will admit to it crossing their minds when they hit bottom.

With my ex-wives, I would not want either of them home if that is not where they chose to be...it just doesn't work that way...again that is a real hard kick in the head to get over..but it gets better with time. Breaking off a relationship is often more tragic than a death.

I'm certianly not suggesting you end it, or any thing of the sort, but almost every person I have dealt with, can look back in five to ten years and see the bigger picture.

In your head and guts is where the answer is, and more than likly very obveous to your friends. Never turn it into friends taking sides in these issues---things happen--not anyones fault. Avoid personel insults, and you perhaps will take a few on the chin, but it has nothing to do with the way you look, cook, comb your hair, or the tan on your skin. Those are just ways of getting rid of guilt from the attacker--you don't need a reason to split or remain together--you both just have to want to be the most important thing in the other persons life.

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