The True History of Man

Posted by thurlow on August 13, 2004 at 16:08:05 from (65.255.98.11):

Well, if you're easily offended, you probably don't need to read this; I found it hilarious.....

A History Lesson

The division of the human family into its two
distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans
coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer.

This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:

Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of
agriculture.

Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was
necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these early liberal men
eventually evolved into women.

Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the
invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the conservatives
provided. Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth.

Liberals are symbolized by the jacka**.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also
bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber
jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively
outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the wild west was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Hence; this brings us to where we are today!

Here ends the lesson in world history.

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