That's a tough one. I rented my farm out 2 years ago. Last fall I liked watching my renter working my farm. 2 months ago I caught co vid. Since then I get very emotional. I will cry over the slightest thing. So this fall 2 weeks ago when I saw my renter combining I felt angry. Get the hell out of my field. I know my emotions have a different source then yours but you like me have to concentrate on how to overcome them. Concentrate on your day job. Do you have a space where you can plant a large garden next spring and start planning for that. Are there some meadows near by or some nice big hyway ditches that you can get some hay equip. and bale some hay? When one door closes another will open but it won't open by itself. Often times you have to push it open. Good luck.
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