Posted by Blueclawz on September 05, 2008 at 12:32:10 from (204.54.152.30):
The Rules of the Eastern Shore are as Follows: Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive,you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Stay on the west side of the bay bridge!
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person on the Eastern Shore waves. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. We steam our crabs after catchin' 'em. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the first Saturday after Thanksgiving.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak; Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, Old Bay and ketchup.
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
16.Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges along with private Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
17. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
19. 2 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.
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Today's Featured Article - Bad Vibes - by Curtis Von Fange. One of the strangest ways to communicate with our tractor is to ask it how it feels. "Ask it how it feels," you say? Yup, ask it how it feels. Now, as with the other articles in this series one has to be able to hear what 'ole blue' is trying to say in response. The nice thing about our old iron friends is that they are usually quite consistent in their response, rather unlike some people I know who might change what they say due to the weather or other mitigating circumstances. But since t
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